On Why I Hate the French Language

Firstly, let me tender an unconditional apology to any person who might be offended by this post. And might I also add that these are my personal views... they aren't meant to showcase any trend or spread any sort of animosity between the people of the world.

Ah... Now that, that's out of the way, let me continue with the post on

I've been an avid learner of the foreign tongues and let me assure my darling readers that I find learning a country's language is surefire way of getting to know the way that country's people think. And having said that, you can ask me what is it about the French language that I hate so much. I shall explain.

This might sound weird and even irrational to many of you out there. But it's just that any person who's even distinctly connected with that language, that I know has turned out to be an a**hole of gargantuan proportions.

I had a friend from school who shared similar interests with me in Anime and Japanese. And well, we got along well. Then, I noticed that she was quite the dominatrix and did not brook any challenge to her superiority. Now, I've always been the renowned pacifist among my friends and put up with this person for somewhere close to five years. In those five years, I defended her idiosyncrasies, her misplaced ideals of self-worth, her haughtiness towards me whom she thought of as a vassal, her tantrums, and her French.

It all started when, after we left for college, she decided to take up French. Now, I was surely excited when I got to know of this from her and was even thinking of learning the language myself. And thanks to the interest in Anime, we'd enrolled for Japanese classes as well. Now, don't get me wrong. If I were to meet any of you, I'd introduce myself in English and only when I know that the person who's talking to me is proficient in Japanese will I switch to Japanese. Most of my friends ask me to speak something in Japanese when they come to know that I know the language. But with her, that was not the case! I was bombarded with so much French and snootiness that within a week of Japanese classes, I was sporting a migraine and a general viciousness towards most things French. In the end, I stood up for myself and she moved on to other minions whom she could terrorize. That was the first time when I encountered French.... and well, it left a very very bad taste in my mouth!

The next case has to do with another friend of mine who took it as a sort of personal mission to teach me French. That involved having hourly revisions of declensions and pronouns and not to mention, construction of simple sentences. The fact that both of us were working at the time and this meant I couldn't concentrate much on my work didn't seem to make a dent on my friend's enthusiasm. He gabbled on and on in french and his lessons were always laced with anecdotes of how his super-rich girlfriend had gotten him a flying saucer and how she had fifteen different cars to choose for her daily ride. This also meant that I had to put up with his incessant drabbling about how rich she was and how rich he was and how they didn't need to slog hard for money to go around.

As it turned out, he was kicked out of the company for nonperformance (How do you say, "I saw that coming!" in French?). Aaaaand, almost everything he told us turned out to be a lie. He'd been spreading discord amidst a few people in the office and since I seemed like the closest friend he had (how did that happen?!), they were a little wary of me as well! But then, they realized I wasn't wily enough to harm a gnat let alone spread rumours and act bitchy. Even now, the jerk tries to call me and I'm dreading if he might just want to continue the French lessons! Eurgh!

The third case happens to be of a milder sense. And strictly speaking, this is the only case where I might be a little prejudiced. But what the heck! This is in relation to a friend of mine who's currently working in France. And though I actually have nothing against the bloke, sometimes the way he talks and the way things go, it makes me wonder if he even wants me around as a friend anymore. And the fact that this "rift" happened after he moved to France might just be a coincidence! Or he might have become one of those afflicted Parisians who're notorious for looking down on tourists and anybody who's not similar to them to such an extent that there's actually a psychological disorder named after their city! If it's the latter, well... all I can say is, peace out!

Pssssst....

I jest you not when I say they have a psychological disorder named after Paris! Google "Parisian Syndrome" if you don't believe me!
And does all of this seem harsh? Are you French and feel insulted? Please don't! I did not say I hate the people... just the language. I'm sure there are many out there who'd kill Sanskrit if they could! :D