I don't understand!

I had a friend I hadn't seen in quite some time drop in today. And she had some very happy news to share! She was getting married next week and wanted to invite me. I was so happy for her but unbeknownst, a small uneasiness crept into my thoughts. She was getting married... taking the next big step and she was my age. Would I be expected to do the same soon? My smile waned a little as I saw myself sit beside some person I didn't know well enough and smile demurely (as if demureness was a trait I possessed!). I remember joking about her meeting the guy of her dreams at her workplace when both of us got selected together to CTS. We even named the faceless stranger of her dreams as "Gautham". And now, as she smiled at me, her invitation at hand, I was wondering if she was giving up so easily... and then she said,

"I've found my Gautham, my friend!"

My smile waxed back to full form. She might not have chosen the person she loved, but she surely loved the person chosen for her.

Would I be capable of doing the same? I remember a colleague tell me how even after a year of marriage, there were still some things that were veiled to him... a sense of formality inbetween them. But his wife is expecting a child next year and I find it queer that so much intimacy has already been there between two people who can't even open up completely to each other emotionally... For them, begetting a child was just the next right thing to do... that was expected out of them.

I cannot for the life in me imagine myself getting intimate with a man that I do not trust completely! And that trust cannot be gained in just a few encounters! I first need a friend and only then can I even think of the next step!

I know I cannot say all these concerns I have to the people around me.... they might think me queer (more than before!). But, how can all this feel right? I don't understand.