They're at it again!

I'm right back where it all started. My mother has decided that it's time for me to settle down and find myself a good, loving, intelligent boy from a well-respected family, from the same caste as me. If you're an Indian woman in her mid-late 20's, you'll know what I'm talking about!

No matter how forward thinking our parents claim to be, when it comes to marriage, most of them succumb to the pressures of the society and take to matrimonial sites for finding that perfect match for their children. They hear stories of people who've found bliss on the internet. This is like Tinder… only that mostly it’s the parents who’re swiping away to the perfect match.

Now, I personally have nothing against people finding love online. I have absolutely no bones to pick with anyone who feels it best to let someone else do the choosing of what could be one of the most important choices of their lives! Heck… I did that! I let someone else take the reins of my life and let me tell you, the ride was as bumpy as it gets. And I learnt valuable life lessons at the end of it.

So you may wonder just what I've been smoking to be doing this again?! I mean, wise people learn from their mistakes, right? Well, let’s not be getting our panties in a twist, people!

I know I sound like a hypocrite. But if I were to stay out of this, things only get worse. It happened once. I didn't give a damn and before I knew it, I was married to a motherfucker who liked dicks more than I did! But, hear me out, dear reader. When I say I give a damn, I don’t mean that I visualize myself getting married to the men who seem interested in the warped image my mother has projected of me on that god-awful site! Heck, I wouldn't marry the girl my mom’s made me out to be! But today, chancing upon the gazillion mails from interested suitors brought a few things to light. And those things are worth sharing.

Matrimony is all about the moolah these days!

Forget love; forget emotional compatibility and all the applesauce they say is important! The one thing you’re supposed to look at is his pay package! That’s right! As long as he earns enough, who the hell cares if he’s a closet psychopath with temper issues?

People will strut their stuff like there’s no tomorrow. 

More than one profile that my mother thrust into my face had the guy smirking away at the camera like he was George Clooney’s long lost nephew! And the thing is, they weren't even good looking to begin with! Yes, I know I’m being a jerk. But, when some guy claims to be fair and would prefer women who’re fairer, I have a problem. Without a photo uploaded to substantiate my mother’s claims that I was fair in complexion, I’m also buried neck deep with requests for a photo, which brings me to the next point.

If some of the people on matrimonial sites were actually serious, they’d be charged with felony!

There was one request from a guy who was married and had decided he wouldn't get a divorce. But hey, he wants another understanding and loving girl who was willing to live with him and his first wife… all as one big happy family. He doesn't have a job, his wife’s a house wife and so, he would like someone who earns a living and “is willing to believe in him that his business endeavours would succeed someday, somehow”. I don’t think I need to say anything further there!

I could go on and on, but I don’t see the point. It’s a little sad that what should be an organic, natural and almost an intangible transition into what is the most beautiful connection between hearts has to be so structured… so forced… so compartmentalized into categories. I don’t think I can ever fall for this. But then again, that does not seem to stop my mother from wasting her time on the site. Oh well, to each their own, I guess!

You'll always be my family!

My best friend of twelve years got married today. And as can be expected, it was a glorious day! And this post, I dedicate to her,

My dearest friend,
We've been through so much and we've stood strong in the end. We've been silent and we've seen friendships fall to dust. And we've still smiled at each other with a knowing look that not all the gold in the world could compensate for. I know I haven't always called you... I haven't always texted you... we've never had sleepovers and we surely never baked cookies together. But I also know that even when we haven't been in touch for months together, the very sight or the very sigh in our voices manage to convey all that we want to and not all the texts and phone calls and sleepovers can ever manage to recreate the same magic that innate understanding invokes in us.

You have been a pillar of support in every trouble I've faced. I don't know if I've ever been that perfect friend that quotes are written about. I can only hope that I've been at least half the person that you truly deserve for a friend!

And my dear, I know it is unfair of me to cling on to you when you take flight with the one who'll be the closest to you henceforth. I cannot be jealous! He has truly done good deeds to deserve a wife as beautiful as you. And I also know that it is only natural that the birds take flight to distant corners so that the nest is left behind as a reminder of the good times that were spent there. And those good times, I shall enshrine... always remember that we've been best friends and shall continue to do so. Even if your new family requires your attention more than anything else... even if newer additions come into the family... I'll always keep you in a special place - one that cannot be compared to anything or anyone else!

My dearest friend,today when you sat there, the very image of the resplendent bride,  I can say that there were none other who were more beautiful and divine than you! And for a moment, I felt so proud! Knowing that someone so beautiful had graced me with the honour of friendship, how can I not feel so?!

I can only say this... I know we shall remain just as close as we ever were even if we're divided by continents...by oceans... by worlds in between us.

I love you!

Ah... it's such an bittersweet experience when your best friend gets married... you know they're there. But you also know that it's not the same thing. And it's totally unfair expecting it to be so, either! I cried... yep! Bawled like a baby once I reached home, thinking of all the wonderful times we had! And knowing her, she knows how I feel... We're special... that way!

Anyway, I wish her all the very best of everything that is humanly possible! And if she ever needs a ear to rant to or whisper fears in, all she needs to do is turn my way.

What else are friends for? :)

I don't understand!

I had a friend I hadn't seen in quite some time drop in today. And she had some very happy news to share! She was getting married next week and wanted to invite me. I was so happy for her but unbeknownst, a small uneasiness crept into my thoughts. She was getting married... taking the next big step and she was my age. Would I be expected to do the same soon? My smile waned a little as I saw myself sit beside some person I didn't know well enough and smile demurely (as if demureness was a trait I possessed!). I remember joking about her meeting the guy of her dreams at her workplace when both of us got selected together to CTS. We even named the faceless stranger of her dreams as "Gautham". And now, as she smiled at me, her invitation at hand, I was wondering if she was giving up so easily... and then she said,

"I've found my Gautham, my friend!"

My smile waxed back to full form. She might not have chosen the person she loved, but she surely loved the person chosen for her.

Would I be capable of doing the same? I remember a colleague tell me how even after a year of marriage, there were still some things that were veiled to him... a sense of formality inbetween them. But his wife is expecting a child next year and I find it queer that so much intimacy has already been there between two people who can't even open up completely to each other emotionally... For them, begetting a child was just the next right thing to do... that was expected out of them.

I cannot for the life in me imagine myself getting intimate with a man that I do not trust completely! And that trust cannot be gained in just a few encounters! I first need a friend and only then can I even think of the next step!

I know I cannot say all these concerns I have to the people around me.... they might think me queer (more than before!). But, how can all this feel right? I don't understand.

But maaaaa..... I don't wanna get married!

If there are any early twenty-something Indian women out there who are not interested in getting married right away, this post shall interest ye!

And if you're a parent of an early twenty-something Indian woman and you feel it's about time she got off to her husband's house, this post shall sound like a Rant.

I'm twenty two years old. And as with any normal Indian family, my parents are already being riddled with offers from various 'eligible bachelors from good families' who would make good husbands and for some reason, I find the whole idea pretty amusing.

I mean... come now people! I am hardly old enough to live on my own and they think I'm mature enough to start a family?

Which part of I AM NOT READY FOR THIS YET!!!! don't they understand?

For all those parents out there who want to get your girl married off just because you don't want to see all those good alliances pass you by.... Stop being so silly! We want to be respected for some achievement that 'WE' have done. Not because our husband is so and so or does this and that! And as far as society treating us as old maids is concerned, we couldn't care less! To hell with that hypocritical piece of fecal matter that practices whatever it condemns!

I mean come on! How can anyone expect me to get married to this random stranger and spend the rest of my life with him?! I mean... it's not like I can back out of it like in the case of bad friendships! This is a life long deal people. I know not all men are that bad. But for now, I don't want to take the chance. I want to prove myself to the world... I want to find my own prince (If there is one that is) and I want to live my life according to my code of ethics.

I might be wrong.... but then I would be the only one responsible! And there's always some special connection with the decisions one takes by oneself! A sense of independence... a feeling of individuality. I need that feeling to survive! And so, I've decided.

I will get married 'IF AND WHEN' I am ready and that's the end of it.
I am actually glad that my parents haven't given in to the pressure yet. But hey... I decide my future - for better or for worse!