On Death and Hope

I shall skip the formalities of apologizing for my lack of posts and vacant promises on how I shall be more judicious with updates.

My father has met his maker.

Yep, the man who was a friend more than a father has finally taken the long rest. I was there by his side when he took those final rasping breaths… Every moment of that day is etched in my memory… and I have tiny panic attacks thinking of that day! But all that said and done, I am glad in a way. You see, when someone is in so much pain that they cry out for death every waking minute, Death comes to them like a blessing from Heaven above. He had severe internal bleeding and a complete loss of appetite… I am just amazed that his final moments were much calmer and painless compared to how he suffered in life.

I grieve every day. And I know that this is one feeling that shall not leave me for as long as I live. Everytime I see or hear someone interacting with their father… every time they talk about how they did this and that with their daddies… I shall smart inside. Because, I’m only human… 

That said, his death has made me a different person. I can now empathize with those who’ve lost a loved one. All those condolence messages that I’d sent before my father’s death seem so hollow and without life compared to the ones I send now. Now, when I say I know how someone feels about the loss, I don’t feel like a hypocrite anymore! And when I tell them that they’ll get over it, I don’t sound like a jerk. Because we do get over death… we do carry on. We do survive.

The grief is always there, it goes from being the numb unfeeling heaviness to a sharp pain in the gut to a remnant feeling that is in the backdrop of all things we do. My father was an amazing human being… a better human than most people I’ve met. And he loved making people laugh. Now everytime I see his photo, I smile… remembering the good times… knowing in my soul that he’s up there next to God, making him laugh!

If anyone who’s reading this has lost a loved one, know this, brethren… Your loss will make you stronger… you will survive! And you will become a beautiful testament to the power of Hope and Love!