Time to come out of the closet!

Before anyone decides to assume things, this post is not about my sexual preferences!

This post is about the recently discovered fact that has me gaping in desperation!

I am a shopaholic!

It all came down to the morning when my mother sat me down and asked me just how much I had saved in the eight months that I've been working! When I ought to have at least fifty grand stowed away for a rainy day, I am literally penniless! So.... where is all the money gone? Where? WHERE?!!!

I sat down and did a check up on exactly where the money was going. And needless to say, I wasn't happy when I saw the results!!
The pattern was inevitable! I would save for a month and spend two month's worth salary on clothes and accessories!! And that, basically took me to square one! (or square 0.5, I don't know!!)

And majority of the clothes were T-shirts and shoes!
For someone who survived on a single pair of shoes for a good five years, (I kid you not!) I've bought three pairs of shoes that I find no use of beyond two or three wears!!
And as for clothing, I'm splurging on jeans! I've all but given up on traditional Indian clothing. Give me a good pair of jeans and a multitude of T-shirts that will keep me going for a week atleast! All the better when it comes to laundering the mess.

But then again, thanks to the fact that I have a body that is unlike any normal person, I cannot just buy random things off the racks. And anything that fits me ends up costing a lot more than it should!

I did have a reality check, a month into the job and I've been maintaining a record of how much I spend on Evernote. But I hardly see any improvement. All I do is cry at the end of the month looking at how little I have managed to save!

Oh God... I need divine intervention... or a pay hike! (I'd very much like the latter!!)

I passed! I PASSED!! I FREAKING PASSED!!! And then, I was broke....

Alrighty! For those of you who're wondering as to what the jibbers I'm going on about, I'll have you know that I have safely cleared my JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) N2 level safe and sound... okay. just barely! But whatever! I cleared! And that's all I'm bothered about.

 

N2 amigos! I am now officially somewhat knowledgeable in what I do.... I think!

And now for the sad part... I'm nearly broke! Well.... not exactly nearly broke... I mean, well... ah, forget it!


To celebrate the great news that is me clearing the N2 level, I decided I'd get myself a new pair of jeans! And since I'm monstrously tall (according to everyone shorter than me) and being infamously thin (again, according to folks fatter than me), I cannot buy jeans that are supposed to be for women because everybody assumes that you're going to be either gigantic or petite! Nope! No sizes in the middle!! And as is my wont, I was browsing through the Men's section of Jeans on the interwebz. (more on that, later!)

I found the jeans I wanted and added the bugger to my cart... and clicked order now! But for some reason, I just couldn't click checkout! I just couldn't bring myself to!!

And so, here I am. Broke... with a pair of jeans I terribly want... with just enough money to get it if I forgo food and commutation for the next seven days!!

 

Why? Why, oh Lord?!

 

Life's lessons

Hello there!

August is finally here and the days have begun to get a little cooler! (Thank God for that!)

And I've been bursting to tell the world exactly how I've been faring!
What's that? You don't care? Oh well, don't let the back button hit you in the smacker when you leave! Aaaaaahahahahaha!!!!

Okay...for those of you who've decided to stick around and read on, here's what's been happening.

1. I've finally decided to put my foot down and show a "few people" that I am not going to be taken for a ride!
2. I've learnt that walking away does not mean you're weak. Sometimes, you need more courage and mental strength to walk away than to just let things be!
3. I'm in a job I love! And I am surrounded by people who wish me well!
4. I've become stronger. Yep! This is in direct correlation with point no. 2. And I've changed... in subtle ways that people who've known me before can feel. They say that blind, trusting innocence in me is not there anymore... that I've become a bit harder. Yes. I have. It would be surprising and altogether impossible not to change after going through the cesspool of ordeals that I was made to go through. But just so everyone knows, I still possess a heart and soul. And I trust people. Just that, before, I used to feel hurt when that trust was broken and wouldn't say a word. But now, I'm becoming the woman who makes the Devil groan that I'm up for another day! Yes... no more bullshit! And definitely no more hurt!!
5. I've gotten a dog!!! YES! I HAVE!!!! She's an adorable little thing that loves me so very much that both of us suffer from separation anxiety sometimes, when we don't see each other. She's at my place of work. But I get to take her home when I leave that job for another one!
6. I've learnt to love myself. Yep... how can you expect someone to love something you don't? And that should include yourself! I am not perfect... heck, I'm a mess at times! But this is me. And this is how I'll always be. I've realized that I cannot be what anyone else wants me to be and be happy at the same time. So, here's to being myself and the joys that it brings!!

That's all that I can think of right now! Do you have things you've learnt along life?

At a threshold here!

It's been a while, hasn't it? Well... to be honest, I've been through quite a bit and finally, I can see the silver lining... the light ahead a really long tunnel. And I thank God for being there for me... for never letting go... for giving me the strength and showing me what wonderous things I was capable of doing!

Next month, I shall hopefully be rid of all the negativity and harmful influences that had plagued my existence for the past two years. I shall say goodbye to quite a number of people who had made sure to keep me down... to discourage me and tell me that I was not good enough. There is God... And he has truly worked his miracle through me. Will I ever get the courage required to talk about it? Will there be anyone out there who would listen? For now, I don't know.

But this much is certain. I'm at the threshold now. And I don't ever have to worry about what others would think if I were to be happy! For the first time in my life, I am happy without guilt or that light tinge of regret that often comes in uninvited with our happy moments mostly.

For all that had happened, I am glad I've become stronger. I'm glad I've matured. I'm glad I didn't lose anything of mine to people who never truly deserved it!

Soon.... I'll be totally free!

Where is my country going?

I know I don't generally tend to comment on the political or socio-economic happenings from India for the simple reason that I feel I may not be fully qualified to just talk about it when I don't do anything to change the scene. But recently, there has been an issue that I've personally been quite affected by. And that is the brutal gang rape of a 23 year old woman by four monsters in a moving bus in Delhi.

Delhi has always scared me by the way it treats the women. One cannot go out after eight in the evening and hope to return home with nary a scratch. There have been so many cases of sexual harassment and abuse in Delhi that sometimes I wonder whatever do the men folk of that city do other than tormenting the women.

Now this lady in question was so brutally raped that her intestines had to be almost completely removed. And her condition has gotten so critical that she's been flown to Singapore for further treatment. And in the midst of it all, the nation boils over, demanding for the strictest punishments ranging from bobbitization to death penalty. But is that really enough?

Even now, when I step out of the house in jeans, I feel certain eyes on me as I walk through the roads... eyes that strain to look through the T shirt. Eyes that try their hardest to devest me of clothing and the only thing stopping the hands that belong to those eyes is probably a thin strand of sanity and the constraints of a crowded street. But sometimes, even that does nothing to deter the wandering hand as it reaches to grope or smack some part of the feminine anatomy just because they felt like it!

I've had bitter experiences that range from silent sneers to attempted rapes. And so, these kind of news affect me greatly! And I've been praying for that girl since her story came out. But something I read today has made me wonder... are we doomed as a people?

How else am I to interpret the times when a woman who also happens to be an educated scientist claims in a public forum where people have gathered to discuss the topic of "Sensitivity towards women" and states that the rape victim should've given in to save herself?! Let me be very clear here. Rape isn't merely a sexual act. It's the gravest wrong any man can do to a woman. By committing that heinous crime, he declares to her that he is superior to her in every way .. emotionally, physically, mentally! And he does that in such brutal fashion that a part of the victim dies right then and there.

Nobody can ever empathize with a rape victim. No matter how hard they try. They've never been through the trauma that the survivor has been through. But sometimes, I think it would be wise to just shut up and not say anything if you don't have anything good to say!

Someone from Japan has read my blog!!!!

Yay! Yippity duppity yay! Someone from the country of my dreams has been to my blog! I just hope they liked what they saw! :)

In other news, I'm kinda going through a very very difficult phase and so, it has been a little difficult maintaining the update of the blog. So, please bear with me and if you can, send a prayer or two my way! :)

Well... well... well!

Hello there! It's been quite some time, hasn't it? Well, there were quite a lot of things going on and frankly, I was completely overwhelmed! But now, everything seems right back in order (or what can be a distant semblance of order!).

So, will I be posting regularly here? I might. Though, I honestly doubt if anyone is even interested anymore! Anyway... this place shall always be my sounding board and I shall honour it's sanctity as such. If any of you is bored anytime, do drop by!