Aaaah.... Aaaah.... Achooooooooo!!!

Having a head cold and having to study Thermodynamics and having to track down certain people for payments due all at the same time can make a person a little light headed. And so, this is hiatus till I feel a little better! :D

P.S. Rants on all topics mentioned above shall be forthcoming in the subsequent posts.

Njanappana... chaos... attractors... brahmi... changes...me.

WARNING: A very long post ahead! :D
Just this morning, being extremely bored and tired of ramming in metallurgy into my skull, I decided I'd just randomly surf the net. And so, for some unfathomable reason, I had Poonthaanam's Njanappana stuck to my head and one particular verse kept repeating itself -

"കണ്ടു കണ്ടങ്ങിരിക്കും ജനങ്ങളെ

കണ്ടില്ലെന്നു വരുത്തുന്നതും ഭവാന്‍

രണ്ടു നാലു ദിനം കൊണ്ടൊരുത്തനെ

തണ്ടിലേറ്റി നടത്തുന്നതും ഭവാന്‍"

Meaning: If Bhagavan (Krishna) wishes, those people whom we see today may disappear (may be dead) by tomorrow. Again if Bhagavan decides, with in a few days (two or four days) a healthy man’s dead body may be carried to the funeral pyre.

Quite philosophical ne? And this set me thinking... human beings are so transient. In this gargantuan world, where everything doesn't remain the way it was a while back, change is probably the only constant. be it in people or in places... And that thought inturn had me reaching for the website with information on Poonthanam. I mean, here was a guy who so languidly depicted change with such profound a metaphor. Forget the question of the existence of God... it is true that our future is as inexplicably uncertain as it can get. Probably we can have a Lorentz attractor constructed for our future and we realize, it's deterministic chaos as with every other phenomenon we observe, with the degree of change in probable observation changing from one system to another... Okay... enough Science jargon! Let me get to the point.

All this talk on the transient got me into something that we all take for granted... languages. Yes, we think it's something that has always remained the way we knew it... or did it? I've been quite the buff as far as languages go. Sometimes, I let me Quantum mechanics slip when I meet some script that looks distinctly similar but so different. And you've got to admit... languages define us as a people and a culture and when one understands the language, one has understood the people who speak it. And so, I turned my attention to Brahmi. And for those who don't have an inkling what it is, I'm not referring to the medicinal herb that is being advertised like crazy these days! This is a script... a code for writing what was being spoken - a sign that Man had finally moved beyond just grunting random sounds and into the true folds of sapience and sentience.

Almost every single Indian language owes its present written form to Brahmi and it amazes me that the final product resembles nothing like how it looked ages ago!

The evolution of the alphabet 'NA' through the ages (click for a detailed view)

Amazing and so... beautiful, isn't it? Now, I have half the mind to take up the study of languages! :D

The lonely psyche amidst the crowd

They always say that Man is a social island and that no man is an island. If I could find the person who first decided to quote this, I swear I’ll kill him slowly!

Today, even though we have a huge crowd around us all the time, deep down inside, each person is as isolated as one can get. And this sense of loneliness is worse than truly being alone.

Everybody needs to get ahead of everybody else. There’s no place for the strong and for those who feel. To actually act human is a sin in today’s world. If you were to smile, it must be for obtaining something. If you were to hug someone, it’s most probably because you want something from them. It could be as materialistic as their money or as subtle as their presence… We have ceased to love just because we do.

And now, as I sit and wonder, I begin to realize that I am being left behind. I found it absurd that one should smile at someone for whom only the deepest hatred stems from our heart… all because we need that person for something or the other. Or that we can throw away someone we cared for just because they no longer are of any use to us. But now, I realize that I am some of the very few who actually feel that way. And today, there aren’t many who truly need me and so, they seem to want nothing to do with me. But to be brutally honest, everybody acting this way hurt someone or the other. Somehow we run from those who chase us and chase those who run from us.

Strange… and yet so beautifully saddening.

Must watch! Must see The Rite

I just realized that it has been ages since I've seen a movie at the theaters. And I just came upon the trailer of the yet to be released "The Rite".

It's a psychological thriller that shows the journey of a skeptic catholic priest as he delves deeper into the abbeys of his faith and emerges with the truth... or does he?

The film stars my all time favorite Anthony Hopkins and Colin O'Donoghue and is directed by the Swedish film writer and director Mikael Håfström.

It has indeed been quite some time since I've seen a good horror movie that does more than just scare... I'm talking about playing mind games with the audience here. I'm sure there hasn't been a movie along those line ever after "The Exorcist".

This movie is based on the book The Making of a Modern Day Exorcist by Rome based Matt Baglio.

The movie will be hitting the theaters in the US on January 28th next year. Assuming a worldwide release, I am eagerly waiting for its release here. Anyone game for a movie date? :D

P.S. The smell of Himalaya Gentle Face Wash gel is really soothing! :)

Old wine... in a new bottle!

I've been thinking... I've had this particular layout and graphics for the Blog for a good two years and more. And right now, I feel a remodeling is in call! What do you say, folks? ;)

And so, soon.... very soon, we'll have a totally different blog atmosphere here. I can assure you that the content and the chutzpah will be the same. Metaphorically speaking, good vintage wine in a new bottle! :D

Finally...Photoshop CS5 Extended has arrived!

Yesterday was a pot pourrie of mixed emotions.... I managed to bring to light the fact that I absolutely suck at spectroscopy and have the most interesting habit of forgetting the simplest formulae in Math when I need it the most. But on the positive side of things, I managed to procure Photoshop CS5 Extended! For all the nit pickers out there, I downloaded it from the Adobe site and intend to have some really close friends get the legal copy for me as soon as the trial period expires! :)

Ever since I'd lost my software collection to the Virus Demons of the Netherworld, I've always felt that my computer feels like a patient with selective amnesia! It's the same... but somehow, saddeningly different! But having Photoshop in my Iris' brain again feels so good... Finally, she shall remember herself to be the Majestic and Uber cool computer that she was!

And so, without further much ado, I proudly doth announce,

And so, while I try mastering the ancient art of preparing for a PhD and enjoying life at the same time (can it be done? :D) while I simultaneously take time for my hobbies of designing and writing all at one go, you can be rest assured that there'll be more on it's way where this came from!

P.S. I know the picture looks very simple and not exactly as flashy as is to be expected from someone who's gotten their hands on the latest copy of Photoshop... please bear with me this once. I'm still reeling from the shock of finally having it with me! :P

Letting it be...

Let it be....

I know it's difficult when things don't go the way you want them to. Just let it be. Sometimes, we wish we'd been more eloquent with how we felt... a million words float up our mind's deep abyss but we keep it all so hidden underneath a friendly smile. We fear so much that we let our hearts wither a little rather than have it broken.

Let it be....

What will happen will happen; whether we will or we won't. Like a tiny boat running away from the Scylla only to be in the midst of the Charybdis, some things cannot be avoided. And if it is meant to be, it will happen...whether we will or we won't.

So, as simply as letting the crumpled and stowed hopes of life flutter down to the snowy ground underneath, let it go.... let it be...

Smile... you're beautiful!

Being a girl is such an arduous task these days! Somehow, I feel I had it easier than the ones today. Imagine a twelve year old taking up waxing sessions and the like!

Sometimes, we feel that the reed thin girls from commercials and hoardings are the epitomes of beauty and this rubs off the children. And something like that leaves an indelible impression that leads to anorexia, lack of self-esteem and depression.

So what if you have a tinge of facial hair? So what if your face has freckles? So what if you don't wax or have never been acquainted with a razor? Big deal! YOU are still beautiful... inside and out. Sure, you may not know the difference between a foundation and a concealer (I don't know myself! :P). That does not mean you're ugly. That just means you've never felt the need to use them to hide your "blemishes". Stop looking at them as blemishes and as a part of you... Beauty is all about how you feel. Not all the lipsticks, rogues, creams and lotions in the world can bring out the beauty in you as a heartfelt smile can. So, smile... take heart! You're beautiful!

On an ending note, I'd like to recall what Maya Angelou quoth,

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Too true, isn't it? ;)

I'm sorry.

Isn't it weird how we blame others of having slighted us when we ourselves do the very same wrongs to someone else?

I'm ashamed to say that I have failed her. Having been through the throes of loneliness, I should have known its ill effects on souls better than anyone else! She looked up to me for support and I was not there for her. And yet, I cry like a craven fool saying that I am all alone! I have no right to crib anymore... I have no right to reach out when I did not hold on to the paw she reached out to me!

Tsuyoshi... I'm sorry for having left you alone when you needed me the most. I'm sorry for being the helpless twit that I am. I'm sorry I gave in to the inconsiderate calls of my family telling me you were just a dog... I'm sorry for not being the friend you truly deserved. And now that you've gone, probably sensing that you weren't needed here, I can see how alike we were.

Sometimes I wonder if I am truly needed anywhere. And I had one ray of hope where you told me through unspoken words that you did. And I.... let you go.

I'm sorry.... I truly am. I blame myself the most for having let this happen. And I pray you're better off somewhere else. But my most fervent prayers are for your return... But then again... I wonder if prayers ever have an effect! I've lost hope.... utterly so!

That cruel temptress.... Hope

Hope.... Men have languished from the lack of it. Poets and Philosophers have extolled its virtues and merits. And the wise have warned the masses about having too much of it.

And yet, our lives continue on as ever with hope as the driving force. And I am no different. Having a name which alludes to the same bane hasn't helped my cause at all. On the contrary, it has only driven me into an abyss of despair with a will-o-wisp dancing away in the distance... sometimes drawing me towards light and an answer but mostly only to entrap me in a mire far too deep to extricate myself from.

The past five years have been some of the darkest of my life... the time when I was exposed to the world outside without the helping hand or the embrace of my closest family - being at that point of my life when bringing every single problem to my parents is considered a thing so irate.

I have had trust broken and my heart with it more than once. And yet, I seem not to learn from the mistakes I've made. Twice have I ventured out and had my nose rubbed in... Twice have my well meant intentions been spurned in scorn. And now.... again.... I set forth, I'm sure I shall be meeting the same fate as before... and for some reason, though I get the message loud and clear, I play deaf.

I know I cannot have what I truly want... I know whatever is so tantalizingly dangled in front of me will only be snatched away as before. And somehow, seeing myself being so unfairly punished more than once for no fault of mine, I feel so lost.... and wish I could end it all at once. But if only I had the courage....

I'm aliiiiiiive! I'm aliiiiiiiiive!

So much has happened in the short time that I had been away from the blogsphere!

My company has laid off four people in a row!

People have been revealed to be the sort that they weren't at first sight. Elaboration shall be provided in the subsequent posts! :P

I have lost my HDD and all the data within to the fey demons of Hell!

I am so behind schedule as far as PhD preparation is concerned but am still preparing more than what I did last year!

I haven't gone clothes or stationery shopping for the longest time.... and I need new clothes. I'm beginning to look like Oliver Twist from Fagin's lair!

All in all, I'm alive.... and well.... for now! Thanks for wondering! :D

Relative is the word!

I'm sure almost all of us have undergone some really moving and sad events in our life. And for that one moment, we believe we are the most afflicted life form in the whole wide world. And I, as aloof and funny as I may seem, have also had such moments in my life.

I don't say we're being selfish thinking so, but somehow, I feel in the face of adversity, we tend to forget the world around us and concentrate only on ourselves. If only were we to look outside and see some of the others who've had and have troubles that we can't even dream of, I'm sure our own troubles will seem like disintegrating dandelions in the wind! Truly, troubles are of the 'relative' kind! Emotional bereavement to one is sometimes more unbearable than the loss of life to others. And as for me, life lost is always the most unbearable, no matter how many sad episodes I personally go through... life lost somewhere still manages to dwarf my own troubles to nothingness!

Right now, I feel the best way I can be happy is by having the ones around me smiling! And knowing that I am the reason why they smile, makes me happy automatically! :D

Here's to good friends and a cruel world that teaches us such lessons of wisdom well earned!

Words of Gratitute

I am surrounded by such well meaning people right now and somehow, their presence feeds my confidence and optimism beautifully! Thank you, dearest friends of mine, for what you do to me and my thoughts! And though there is a rough patch in every person's life, I'm sure they'll all be smoothened in due course! And yes.... matters of the heart will be eased and the estranged shall become close once more! :D

Mr. V, you are such a nice human being. And somehow, as a friend, it aches me to see you so worried. Worry not! All will be well soon enough - we'll make sure of it! And your plight affects me so much and though I know why, I cannot deem to reveal all that I know for fear of seeming all assuming! :) And my friend, she will be yours...for all your kindheartedness, she would have to be a fool not to!

Mr. A, I have never ever had the good fortune of being acquainted to someone like you before! And I thank the lucky stars that I met you when I did! And my sister is one lucky person! And I am truly happy for you. A, I have two words for you! - "You rock!"

Ms. B, being a person who's inspired me with your kindness and impressed me with your wit and charm, I cannot say how much I treasure you being my friend! Do continue to be who you are, sister in soul! :D

Ms. S, your purity of heart is something I shall always look up to. And you are just as precious as anyone else! Don't you ever forget that!

Mr.T, Dude.... it's amazing how much wisdom you have at such young an age! You have taught me that appearances are sometimes truly not what they seem. And I should say, you have such wealth of wit and wisdom within you, I shalln't be surprised if you aren't sought after for advice soon enough! :D

Thank you and continue to help me grow... as a person and a friend!

He's a SHE!!!!!

In an almost hilarious but shocking revelation, we've begun to realize that Tsuyoshi.... the puppy we have is not actually a 'he' at all! Hmmmm.... that explains the greater level of intelligence and the charms at such tender an age! And yes... I can't believe I didn't see this coming!

On the bright side, 'she' was discovered long before something untoward happened.... like a litter of puppies... or a string of no-good boyfriends! :P

Now, we get her fixed and all will be well once more.... but still, she refuses to answer to any other name we may call her except 'Tsuyoshi' and that is such a masculine name! All in all, this is such a 'D'oh' worthy moment!

Ai Eru, help me!

.................................

The days wane as I try to readjust my thinking to the fact that things will not be the same anymore... The hope I've sustained for a good two years and a half are slowly dying to cooling embers of desperation that seem to have no effect on anybody.... for once, I wish for happiness... I have never truly wished for anything for myself. All the good things in my life were thrust upon me at the most unexpected of times and then so ruthlessly snatched away again. And right now, it makes me wonder what I could've done to anger the higher Providence.. I still do have a few dregs of hope left... But I'm afraid to hope again...

There.... I said it.....again!

It is not everyday that you walk into office and stare at a spectacle that wouldn't be out of place at a play school! Gaaaaaah! I have no idea how I'm going to put up with certain people at my place of work. Forget professionalism, all I ask for is the basic traits of maturity and common sense you'd expect from people who're in the middle of their twenties! And no Megna.... groveling for candies from people you hardly know and being a total prat and demanding others to have lunch prepared for you as well when they can't even find the energy to make their own is NOT very appealing, unfortunately. And jeez! I hate my name to a certain extent myself. But I'd never change it to something else! I mean, come on! It was given to me by my parents and I love them more than I hate my name.

And Vivek, I am barely finding the restraint to not slap you and be done with it when you and your stupid antics of spreading childish rumours about others drive me insane! You sir, are inane. And if you don't know what that means, look it up in a dictionary. And yeah, I am human and I can't sport the same stupid plastic smile you dimwits sport all the time. And if that irritates you, bite me! Oh, and just because you deem it fit to call your darling MD your 'anna', it doesn't mean I should as well! That guy has no innate qualities that would entitle him to be related to me in any way!

And Karthik, being an MD doesn't give you extra heads or horns for that matter! The next time you try rushing MY TEAM to achieve whatever stupid silly target you've set for them, I will skewer you alive with the same marker pen you use to drive everybody insane. Oh, and your idea of reinventing your looks now makes you look like a scalded potato. And no, nobody's even bothered about how you flit from aisle to aisle... Gosh, you look so desparate doing that! And the next time I see you making doe eyes to either me or my team members, I shall saw your head off and stick it up a pike and place it in front of that dimwitted idiot of an employee who is dumb enough to worship the very ground you walk on. STANDARDS PEOPLE?! WHERE DID STANDARDS GO?!

Aaaaaaaaah..... muuuuuuuuuuch better! :D

I don't understand!

I had a friend I hadn't seen in quite some time drop in today. And she had some very happy news to share! She was getting married next week and wanted to invite me. I was so happy for her but unbeknownst, a small uneasiness crept into my thoughts. She was getting married... taking the next big step and she was my age. Would I be expected to do the same soon? My smile waned a little as I saw myself sit beside some person I didn't know well enough and smile demurely (as if demureness was a trait I possessed!). I remember joking about her meeting the guy of her dreams at her workplace when both of us got selected together to CTS. We even named the faceless stranger of her dreams as "Gautham". And now, as she smiled at me, her invitation at hand, I was wondering if she was giving up so easily... and then she said,

"I've found my Gautham, my friend!"

My smile waxed back to full form. She might not have chosen the person she loved, but she surely loved the person chosen for her.

Would I be capable of doing the same? I remember a colleague tell me how even after a year of marriage, there were still some things that were veiled to him... a sense of formality inbetween them. But his wife is expecting a child next year and I find it queer that so much intimacy has already been there between two people who can't even open up completely to each other emotionally... For them, begetting a child was just the next right thing to do... that was expected out of them.

I cannot for the life in me imagine myself getting intimate with a man that I do not trust completely! And that trust cannot be gained in just a few encounters! I first need a friend and only then can I even think of the next step!

I know I cannot say all these concerns I have to the people around me.... they might think me queer (more than before!). But, how can all this feel right? I don't understand.

I'm back!

After a fortnight of no connection with the Internet, I am finally back! And it was a liberating experience, travelling around with the entire family, hopping from one temple to another.... resting with relatives... And now, I wonder if I was ever missed!

Phoren tales - I

The time when some relative comes back from the foreign shores! The anticipated wait as they open their bags and we get a glimpse of so many things that are both alien and exotic! It could be as mundane as a shaving razor or as amazing as an Apple Mac book! The men and women wait for their turn to get what is duly theirs. It's almost like standing in front of Santa Clause and everybody wishes for something!

So, you can imagine the amount of excitement that surrounded my uncle's trip this year after what seemed like an eternity! But strangely, the excitement had nothing to do with what he brought or who got what... It was more to do with how many days he'd stay here and where he'd go and who he'd visit. Add to that his entire family in tow, one can't just drag little kids and a disinterested apathetic wife everywhere one pleases! And so, right now, things are a little frazzled as far as daily schedules are concerned! Add to that the slight hostility between my aunt and my grandmother and mom, you'll see how bad things are!

I mean.... come on people! We're all alive for a century at the maximum and that's quite a short time for keeping grudges and giving people cold shoulders. And sometimes, open fights are much better than the inlaid tension that can almost be cut with a knife!

And so, right now, as I sit between the two parties concerned, I can feel heat and cold waves all around me. The warmth and comfort that was there before has dimmed a little. And suddenly, I can't help but feel a little less excited than what is to be expected!

P.S. My tenant's mother wants some more chocolates for her daughter's daughter who lives in some obscure place far away... it's kinda hard explaining her that we didn't 'get' much to begin with. It was all what granny graciously decided to give away! Ah well.... whatever!

Why God, WHY????!

Don't you just hate it when you're going through the website of some of the premier research institutes in the country and it suddenly hits you how bad a PR they have? I mean... most of their webpages are defunct and redirect you to random places that weren't your intended destinations? And I seem to be seeing this the most when I'm trying to run a background search on some of the research faculties there! Aaaaargh! It's so irritating! For once, you'd think people who can get a P.hD. in Quantum Computing would atleast know how to maintain a decent webpage! I'm not talking about the flashy interactive website here. Just the normal text only type where I can actually get some info on what they're working on! And then, in the end, I get blamed for not doing enough research! What should I do now? Hire a private detective to tail them and find out what they do? I swear, I see another "404 error page not found" and I might just start breaking things here!

When the cuckoo flies overhead...

The past few days has been quite something! I know I can't believe I'm saying this... but my house looks habitable... Heck! It looks so neat and pretty! I seriously didn't think I could achieve this in two days but I sure did! So now, when my uncle and his family (his -in-laws included!) drop in after three years, they'll see squeaky clean rooms and paraphernalia! And believe me, I've learnt my lesson of not hoarding up useless junk and throwing it away if I don't need it! Yes sir!

And it set me thinking. Why did I collect all those junk that I actually didn't need or finished using? Hmmmm... the reason might sound utterly ridiculous and I'm not sure how many people are going to kill me or laugh till they die once they know it! But what the heck! The reason was because I felt sorry for those things. Yes! I actually thought I was hurting the feelings of the used pen by throwing it away... I felt it would be thinking (yes... 'it' would be thinking... apparently some might feel I wasn't! :P) that I'd dumped it once my use for it was over... and so, every stub of used pencil, unusable erasers, torn notebooks, and every other sort of junk found its way into my room and stayed there! Well... being an only child, I didn't have too much company around... Even friends were few and far in between. Maybe that was why I grew up considering the feelings of all objects around me... living and non-living... because those things kept me company when I was alone. This sounds depressing ne? Ah well! :D at least nobody can call me cruel! So there!

And this sets me thinking again... I've seen more than my share of people move away... grow away from me. If people could lose interest and outgrow my friendship and acquaintance, how different am I from the so called 'junk' that I threw out today? People who'd spoken so happily to me don't even seem to recognize me these days... or maybe they choose not to. Maybe I'm just a part of a past that they have no need for. Ah well... here's wishing all of them the very best for their future and I pray they never get this sort of treatment... it hurts! :/

டப்பா டான்ஸ் ஆடிடுச்சு!!!!

If you've seen any English cartoon translated into a regional language that you understand, you'll know where I'm getting to. Not just the cartoons! Films... adverts... anything! It's hilarious! But I should say it sometimes sounds awesome! Imagine Jackie Chan saying, "டப்பா டான்ஸ்ஆடிடும் ". And somehow, I've grown attached to this phrase these days....

So, the next time my mother gives me chores and I find myself aching all over, I'll say, "Mummy.... my டப்பா டான்ஸ் ஆடிடுச்சு!" Or.... if some random person was to irritate me, "Oy! Don't you dare tread on my nerves, buster! இல்லைனா உன்னோட டப்பா டான்ஸ் ஆடிடும்!" LOL.... You'll never hear these wonderful awesome epic phrases anywhere else but in நம்ம சென்னை!


Super! Ne? ;)

Pssssst: For the first time (that I can remember), I'm actually typing rather than the usual Ctrl+X - Ctrl+V in Tamil for a Blog! Awesome! :D And how's the jackie pic? That's what you get when you have too much time in your hands and Photoshop CS3! ROFL

Viva.... octopus....trouble.... Yikes!

It has finally been decreed! My Viva voce shall happen on the 13th of July, at eleven in the morning! And now that the date and time and the name of the executioner(read external invigilator) has been announced, I feel the jittery anxiety waves that one experiences before some big event! I sure hope I don't get butchered by people! ;(

And in other news, a cephalopod joins my club of those who can see the future! I'm sure most of you must be aware of Paul the octopus! And now that Germany has lost, true to Paul's predictions, everybody wants a piece of him (quite literally!). Hmmmm.... to be gifted is a burden... And the talented and the great are forced to bear it!

So, people.... wish me luck for the Viva and Paul to survive the season! :D

UGH.... when it rains, it pours!

Why is it that when you need something so desperately, you're either insanely far away from it, or they don't make that where you live or it will be extremely expensive?!

My uncle has come down to the country with his family after three years and at this very opportune moment, my dear camera decides to misalign its lens arrangement! It's going to cost me well nigh six grand to get it fixed and well... that should explain why there shalln't be any photos anytime soon!

Add to that my inability to get a PhD seat this year and you have the best of times at home! -__-;;

Happenings from this part of the world

Isn't it sad when you find a friend who has so much to say but doesn't stop to look around or listen to realize their words have no listeners? And when you try helping them, you end up listening and realizing.... they're so full of crap! It's just so sad! For all their bravado, they cannot hide a lonely heart! Maybe they'll find some peace if they were to step down from the pedestal once in a while and view the other mortals for what we truly are - imperfect!

In other news, my best friend's grandpa has managed to re-instill my faith in Love marriages. Imagine staying married for 53 years and seeing your family bloom from nothing... getting through the good times and the bad and still so madly in love even though the loved one has crossed over to the land of angels and harps! He actually still has the train ticket from fifty years ago... that fateful journey when he first saw the woman who would be his wife in life and death! He has my deepest respect and my even deeper condolences for losing his wife. I'm sure she's in such a beautiful place and misses only one thing to make it perfect ... him. But I hope he shalln't leave the rest of us too soon in bereavement! :)

And I'm finally getting back to writing after what seems ages of hiatus! WOOT!!! I sure did miss some of that good old fun from writing fiction and poetry! It almost feels like I'm back where I belong! But, I know I cannot actually make this my job.... I'm not bad... But I'm not good either! Eh... to be stuck in the middle as always! Aaaaaanyway, getting away from depressing thoughts, I'm celebrating the return with as much cheer and smiling as I can possibly manage without people dragging me away to the mental asylum! So, there you have it folks! Say it with me! WOOT!!!

And Argentina lost... I saw that coming.... maybe I DO have ESP! WOOT again! :P

So.... out of place!

Have you ever had the feeling of suddenly, quite abruptly feeling out of place of sorts when you're in the midst of friends? I mean, one moment... you're all friendly and then suddenly, you get these vibes that maybe.... just maybe they're not that very into the entire "friendship with you" aspect.

Hmmm.... right now, I seem to be getting those sort of vibes from a few of my friends. It's kinda sad this way. Because, right now, I feel the loneliest I've ever been and for some reason, these few friends were the ones in whom I'm confided most of my secrets and apprehensions. Maybe that is why they inch away.... then I am to blame, ne? LOL... If you think you belong to this category, then I am very very sorry for having burdened you with my problems! :)

All in all.... right now is a very difficult time for me... but that's okay! I'll get through that all by myself, thank you! :)

Puppies are just like kids sometimes!

When they said that having a puppy is akin to having kids, they weren't kidding! Darling little Tsuyoshi is as energetic and endearing as a human tot and just as mischievous! He seems to have a special attachment to my toes and lunges at them for a nibble whenever he gets the chance! And right now, he's teaching me valuable lessons in parenting! Phew, I never ever thought I'd say this... but it's such fun minding after him! ;)

And right now, he's on time out, thanks to having brought in a dead "something"! It looked like fish but the smell seems to suggest something more sinister! The baka was happy biting into it and the moment he spotted Dad and me, he tried taking off with the weird piece of meat. It was hilarious seeing that tiny tyke trying to climb through the grill in the gate and when caught, looked at us with such doleful eyes, as though he seemed to suggest "would this cute face ever do anything wrong?"

But I did manage to resist his charms long enough to tell him off pretty sternly and surprise! surprise! He seems to understand the underlying intent of my words pretty clearly! And the meat was giving him a slight tummy ache. I managed to give him some water and he's feeling much better.... "back to nibbling my toes" better! But fighting those huge puppy dog eyes is beginning to get difficult. But I'll manage! ;)

And now, news from the other side!

Am I the only person who seems to think it really weird calling pets one's personal property? I mean, here's this guy who sets his puppy on fire, beats it and leaves it for dead and all he gets is a slap on the wrist and that too for setting personal property on fire! I mean.... come on! That's a live creature we're talking about! What of the dignity and rights that a living being is deigned to possess? What of the liability of taking something as precious and irreplaceable as a life? Don't any of those things matter anymore? Well... on the plus side, the Law in North Carolina has been made a bit more stringent. But even then, shouldn't animals be more than just personal property?

Hmmph! Like people give a damn anyway, right?

In other news, one of my cousins has gotten through JNCASR's Integrated PhD programmes for Microbiology and this was all that took to have my mother tell me how much of a failure I shall be, having gotten through nowhere. She seems to feel for not having gone for a second child now. Something about the second one doing everything I didn't. Yeah, it hurt. But like that matters anymore! And so, I hope you guys have an awesome weekend as I spend mine in obscurity within my own house! D: Right now, Tsuyoshi and Tsume happen to be the only people who seem happy seeing me around. There, I said people.... not property! :D

Hmmmmmm.....

Isn't it the sweetest thing to wake up in the morning and to be greeted by the wagging of two tails and four eyes looking up at you with so much love? I think I'm finally in love.... truly in love! :)

Cheers to you, my friend!

One of my friends has gotten placed in a really good university (better than mine! :D) for his PhD. I'd like to wish him all the very best and hopefully win a Nobel! :)

Oh, and as for me, I'm still hunting for something good... Maybe certain things are not for me... I am not hoping for anything right now... it's eerily fun standing in the way of a train that's thundering towards you. Your brain tells you to scoot but your legs refuse to move and your heart in the middle, does the flamenco!

Words of Gratitude

It has been quite the dismal week here. Many of my woes center around a thesis I was trying so hard to finish by the end of last week! And now, after having given it away, I feel so much lighter! It's now time to sit and confront most of the issues I'd swept under the bed! And I'm going to give it my best shot!

What's with the sudden enthusiasm, you ask? Well... that's what some good words of encouragement can do to you. This post is dedicated to that anonymous person who'd written a few well meaning words of courage in the comments to my previous post! Thank you! I might know you... or maybe not. But to know that I've had this sort of an impact on at least one person out there, it gives me hope! I'm going to give my best in all that I do henceforth! :D And if you're reading this, as I hope you are, I'm glad to have known you (if we have spoken before).

.................

It's almost like I'm beginning to reconsider a lot of things in life. Am I really good enough for most of my dreams? Should I just give up? Would anyone give a damn?

I'm sure most of the ones who know me wouldn't. This sucks... stuck in the bottom with no way up!

Happiness is a warm puppy!!

I've always been an avid animal lover and I've brought home more number of malnourished strays than I care to count, only to let them go when they're treated and healthy. It always saddned me that I wasn't able to hold onto them, thanks to my Mom and Granny screaming in fright everytime a puppy runs towards them wagging his/her tail.

Well... so far, I'd been the one to go towards the pups. This time, I had one come to me. It was well nigh one in the morning and I was breaking my head over contour integrals and matrix diagonalization when I swear I could hear a shrill bark. It sounded too young for the dog we have right now, another stray to whom we'd become family. I had to wait till morning to find out who the brave little warrior was. And to my surprise, I found myself opening my front doors to a wee little puppy. He must be just a few months old, just having weaned from his mother's milk and utterly lost. Infested with ticks, dirty and very very malnourished - that described the little one perfectly.

Well, half a day later, I should say he looks much better already! He drank an entire glass of milk and a few doggie treats to boot and has some of the natural brightness that hunger and suffering stole from him return! And it seems he considers us his family already! :)

So, give it up for Tsuyoshi - the newest member of our family, folks!

Tsuyoshi (毅) in Japanese means "Strong". And he seems just that! The little one climbed a foot and a half high fence to come towards us once we were properly acquainted enough! And this is from a month old puppy who hadn't eaten in days! Oh, and our other dog, Tsume (爪) seems to regard him with a bit of wariness. But she hasn't attacked him yet and wagged her tail when she sniffed him for the first time. Hopefully, they'll get along. But Tsume-chan is an intelligent canine, so I'm sure my worries are misplaced! :D

Psssst: If you didn't see the Japanese connection coming, I'm guessing you're new to the blog! Yay for 日本国! :D

Happenings of the day

We humans are such a pathetic bunch! Temptation seems to find its way into every single heart one way or the other! I met up with a few friends at the mall today and managed to spend close to 600 bucks at one go! Ai Elbereth! Can I not find some contraption that will bonk me up the head everytime I eye something I can do well without but still crave to possess? Hmmm.... Ah well... I shalln't indulge any more, so there!

And one of my closest friends in getting married soon! She seems so happy and content, it makes me smile! We've been friends since school and she's actually taller than me! Today, we finally managed to coax her into getting her first lipstick! Can you believe it? She's twenty-three and gets her first lipstick now! My parents would write their assets off to God if I was like that! LOL

Ah well... but she finally did manage to get it and I'm sure she shall use it judiciously (read it shall sleep forever and ever more in some forgotten corner of her dresser!).

Google Chrome.... is driving me MAD!!!!

I wonder how many of the people who read my blog do that on Google Chrome! I'm really for all this open minded software that Google gives out to people.... e-mail... docs... essential software packages... maps... really, I'm all for it. But somehow, I find the affection I had for Chrome slowly slipping away. I was really thrilled when I first started using it. It was neat, had a decent set of add-ons with it and the support it lent to all the sites that were run by Google was really amazing. And for some reason, Facebook (back when I was an avid social networking geek) would load properly only in Chrome.

But things are seeming to get a teensie bit downhill the past few days. I find most of the websites don't load and need to be refreshed or entered a gazillion times before the page loads! The same applies to all websites run by Google.

I'm wondering if I'm the only one having this problem or if it's a sort of network issue. If it is the latter, I hope Google looks into it at the earliest! Until then, I'll be switching over to Firefox (I still shall NOT turn to Internet Explorer, thank you!) till then. And pulling my hair out in frustration every time I wear down my "Enter" button on my keyboard to ruins!

Psssst: And some people just can't take the hint! When someone says they don't want to talk, they DON'T want to talk. Not exactly rocket science, right? Ah well... life sure is peachy at times!

Tough times ahead!

AAAAARGH!!!! This is all getting too complicated here! Things are so SO NOT going the way they should. If this keeps up, I'm afraid I'll be out on the streets before the year is done! Ah well.... it's at times like these that one should keep one's chin up and smile, right? So, Yep... bring it on, people! This girl's still got some spunk left in her! :D

And I sure home I get at least a single ray of hope before I've hit rock bottom! Hmmmm.... Hope.... it's a good thing.... the best of things, even!

To be missed is the best of things!

I know I promised not to blog too much. But I need to get this out of my system if I ever hope to get back to normal. Today, I witnessed a little puppy die. Some careless driver ran his vehicle over his head in the night. Now this animal was one the countless homeless strays that Indian roads are infamous for. The thing that hits me the hardest is that when I was heading for the temple, I saw the little one sleeping in one corner, very much alive. And when I was heading back, I saw him dead... the accident must've happened just a few minutes before. I couldn't control my grief... I broke down.

Now, I understand people around me find it weird that I can remain resilient to grief (visibly atleast!) during the funeral of a relative but can so easily crumble at the sight of some random animal's death. I don't know... I guess I'm a loser if that's what people would like to believe it so. And frankly, I don't care. It's the saddest thing ever not to be missed... Not to be cried for in Death. It's just too sad to be nonchalant when one sees such sad things! And the thought that the puppy will not be sorely missed makes me sadder... I miss him... I hardly know him but I already miss him!

Little angel who flew to the skies today, I love you! And I'm a little consoled knowing you're in a better place... Rest in peace loved one!

P.S. If all of you who read this could send a little prayer for the countless homeless animals out there and do what you can to make their lives better, I'm sure the world would be a much better place! Love shown to a homeless animal is returned manifold! Believe me, I know!

Time out.... *GASP SPLUTTER GAAASP* TIME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

This Authoress is taking a break from it all.... for the time being.

It has been quite hectic the past few weeks! Food Poisoning....incessant puking.... deadlines.... thesis.... incomplete projects.....nonchalant advisors....friends confessing their love for another friend.... the drama.... the humor....I've seen and heard it all!

And I strongly believe I need some time to put things back in order. And so, if you don't hear from me for some time, it's just that I'm trying to do twenty odd things at the same time and somehow, blogging doesn't fit the list for now! I'm afraid if it will end up being the proverbial straw that broke the Camel's back!

So, until we meet again, have fun!

No comments to spam comments!

What's worse than not getting comments for your blog posts? It's getting loads and loads of spam mail! I'm currently in the process of deleting them whenever and wherever I see them!

And to make it worse, it's all in Japanese!!! T__T

Self discovery...is tough!

I suddenly seem to realize that most blogs out there that are more of the 'journal'-ish types are filled with posts on the author's self-discovery.... or the quest for it. I can't help but wonder if it's really that easy!

I mean, here I am. Right now, almost nothing's going the way I want it to. I'm feeling dreadful and am beginning to wonder if I am indeed good enough for anything I do! And to add fuel to the already ravaging fires in my heart, my own family seems to have given up hope on me. Now, I might sound a little more dramatic. But this is exactly how it feels and seems right now. And I wonder... have I discovered what I really want? Is a PhD in Physics my all time goal? Or was it just something that's really beyond my scope of things?

For all those folks out there who talk as though self-discovery comes right at you like a lightning out on the blue, I'll let you know; you're wrong!

Self discovery is one of the toughest things one can set out to do. And I'm not even sure if I'll find out anything at the end of all things!

Whatever.... world!

It really is very taxing being an early twenty-something with four score relatives around, trying to avoid marriage talks! And when a very blank wall is looming ahead of you, career-wise, consider yourself doomed! Dooomed I tell you! DOOMED!

But I am not going down without a fight, my dear readers! Oh no! While my parents and the relative bunch are groom-hunting, I shall give my all to finding myself a good lab somewhere in this wide world that will be kind enough to take me in! Oh yes!

Hmmmm.... coming to think of it, I guess I'll let the folks at home do all the work! I, for sure, am the female three dimensional version of Shikamaru from Naruto.... It's all so bothersome! Too bad I'm not a genius like him! Heh...

P.S. I'm even thinking of taking up a job in some research lab! I'm desperate! T_T

.........

There's nothing more I'd love to do now than to just let it all go and be content.... too bad I cannot do that. Too bad suddenly, everything is rushing up to me! Ai Elbereth! Why the drama?! Can't we all just laugh at it and move on? Is it really such a big deal?!

Yay for the Orange people! :D

Happy news people! Very happy news! I don't know how many of you are aware of the tussle that was underway between Nestle and various environmental groups over the use of palm oil in their Kit-Kat Brand. The oil used came from palm trees that were planted in place of the natural Rainforests of Indonesia. This meant that the already dwindling Orangutan population in those places would be further affected adversely. Apparently, Nestle has agreed to work towards boycotting all oil companies that indulge in deforestation.

And why this sudden change of heart, you wonder? Hmmmm.... Maybe this video link can provide an answer to that!

Greenpeace's answer to the Kit-Kat 'Break'!

If only we could have Unilever do the same! It would mean a world of difference for the better for the countless animals still stuck in the testing labs! It's really sad that such a huge multi-billion dollar company still follows such ridiculously arcane methods of product testing that isn't even that accurate! I hope they change their stance soon enough... I so very fervently do!

Ah well... One can always hope for the best, right?

And so... it happens.... or not!

And so, the verdict is out.... IISc and NCBS have denied me access to their Labs. And so, here I stand; twenty three, moderately educated, completely useless! *sigh*

Hmmm.... this is quite interesting.... not knowing what's going to happen next!

I just want to...... do things.... and be silly.... and AAARGH!!!!

Tomorrow, I leave for Bangalore... It's to attend yet another PhD interview and I guess I've stopped worrying about getting through or not... What will happen will happen. And I truly wish I could get away from it all for a few months. You know... like go hiking into the Silent Valley... or temple hopping in the middle of the night... or enter a Stationery shop feel the Zen that is Stationery until they kick me out... None of this Physics-shmysics!

I know a few of those souls out there are probably gasping in disbelief or nodding their heads in knowing disappointment. I'm sorry folks! My cuckoos have finally flown the nest and right now, I feel like doing things I've never done before.... like...

• Going on an expedition of some sorts.... you know... not quite the Indiana Jones types. But still, be a part of an Archeological expedition? Dig into the past? Find pieces of Time still stuck on stone walls and arcane coins? That type of thing.
  
  
• Makeup shopping. Yep. You heard it right! I know I don't tend to go overboard as far as face paint is concerned! Heck... I'm probably dumb as a door knob as far as making-up of the face goes.... Making up facts and scaring the heebidibajeebies of people? Yep... I'm an expert! I guess I've finally realized I'm a *cue gasp and dramatic silence* girl! And I tend to harbor silly girly dreams within myself. About time I indulged myself, ne?
  
  
• Write like there's no tomorrow. And this involves all sorts of literary shazaam! Prose, Poetry, random warbling... everything. I wish I could express all those things I see and feel around me into beautiful and eternal words that will move people for ages to come! Alright.... that's a little too far-fetched. But at least be able to show the kids in my street, when I'm an octogenarian, with one foot in my grave, my works.
  
  

That's it for now.... but somehow, right now, I cannot seem to be able to do any of these! Ah well... I'll find some way or the other! ;)

Shopping.... friends.... and a "BWAHAHAHAHA" worthy day!

It's an oddly enriching experience when one goes shopping with good friends. A special time when friends can bond together and let their friendship get stronger! Well, technically, you can also get to know their tastes and philosophies and be at war with it, leading to problems in friendship-land! But thank goodness, I've found a few friends who're just right! Like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle!

And what did we do all day, you ask?

We were hunting good cotton dress materials for the summer for one of the girls. And I should say Chennai's "HOT" index is going to soar higher once she walks around wearing those! ;)

Then, we went stationery shopping! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! And then there were more purchases of eatables, stationery, random bazooka, stationery..... did I mention stationery? ;)

By the time I got home, I knew I had legs somewhere.... they were carrying me around! But I'd completely lost sensation of my feet, thanks to a stand-a-thon that I was part of! :P

Aaaaaanyway, there's still certain things I need to procure to make my plan of world domination a success and that involves more stationery! Onward to the shopping districts, my minions! BOHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

My head.... asplode!

Finals tomorrow! But I have so much to express! AARGH.... Must wait till tomorrow afternoon! I can do it.... right? Right? RIIIIIIIIGHT???!!!! But more importantly, can you, my dearest trusty reader, stand the suspense? Hmmmm? Hmmmmm? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Exams... Gintama....funny!.... EXAMS!!!!

Ah.... I've my finals tomorrow and many might wonder what I'm doing, writing a blog post when I ought to be slogging my hiney off, trying to get a decent grade! Well... I'm just not feeling inspired enough!

Aaaaah... How I wish I was surrounded by people from Gintama... it would be so.... uplifting and stimulating! Running around helping people with odd jobs... being silly and still being accepted! The numerous puns nobody would understand and yet be funny! The teensie life lessons that one could learn! Oh.... and the really hot guys from Yorozu-ya, Shinsengumi and the Juoi faction! *Siiiiiiiiigh* Life's so cruel at times! :S

LOL... and yes, I've finally lost my head! I shall now go and try to cram in as much Titanium and Nano magnets into my feeble cranium as I can!

And hope everybody's having an awesome summer out there! What're your plans for the holidays, people? Let me know! =D

In came Tsume!

Remember the last post where I had mentioned we'd taken in a stray and named her Tsume? Well... I can't bring myself to tell how glad I am that we did what we did!

She seems to have become so fond of Dad and I that one sees her eyes light up with hoy every time we walk out towards her! And this same creature was sulking around, scared and sad just last week! It's amazing what love can do to living things! It makes me so happy that I've been the reason some creature got out of depression! (And dogs undergo depression too!)

Just last week, she probably didn't have anyone to look at her kindly, let alone play with her... nobody to scratch her ears and tell her how much they love her... nobody to give her a bowl of piping hot broth (or any other form of supper) and pat her gently as she eats it all up. Simply put, she must've felt so lonely... so desperately seeking some comfort... and in she came into our house, into our hearts!

Tsume, my love! You're like a god given gift for which I am thankful! And if only everyone reading this would go out and adopt an animal from the shelter... or take in and give home to a stray, I'm sure the world would seem a much better place! :)

Soul Bytes

"Some people are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway."

-Mother Teresa

Over the highs and under the lows

In a week's time, I've ridden the highest of the high and the lowest of the low!

To mark a few of the high times,

• Dad and I have decided to let the homeless dog who seems to have taken a liking to our place stay! Henceforth, she shall be known as Tsume(爪). And from what we've observed, she's been vaccinated and neutered, thanks to the ABC program that my Corporation people follow for stray and feral dogs! Let's hear it for the newest member of the family folk! :D
  
  
• Some of my closest friends are finally getting the happiness they deserve! Power to you, friends!
  
  
• I've finally managed to get rid of a lot of personal demons from my mind! I feel so much lighter and better now!

And now for the lows.

• I'm getting to the end of my college days.... I feel so bittersweet!
  
  
• I have this strange sensation that a few of my loved ones and friends are slowly drifting apart and nothing I do can stop the change. It's silly of me to even try stopping the ones who want to leave... they have better things to do than to stick around. Ah well... I love you all and remember that I'm always a shoulder you can lean on... if you even come back that is!
  
  
• My exams are approaching ever so slowly and steadily... Yikes! I need to buck up!

Hmmm.... sometimes I want nothing better than to run away from it all. But I know that solves nothing but only compounds to the problem... :) Ah well... I'll get through the tough times! I've done it before and seen worse! =D I'm made of sterner stuff!

........*grumblegrumble*.........

Have you ever felt like the mouse aboard a sinking ship, having no say in what is to come your way? Well... right now, I distinctly understand and sympathize with the little rodents! And here are the reasons why.

• My Project guide has managed to confuse my already muddled up brain by alternating between two different calculation techniques and he can't seem to decide if he wants to give me the Hydrogen Molecule scenario or the Hydrogen Bonding one! And as a result, my project needs to be started from scratch.... again!
• Some people are really REALLY starting to bug me with their annoying third grade antics and for once, I wish I could just slap them and tell them to get a life.
• My doctor seems to think I might either have a very low Blood Pressure or very low sugar count or... god help us, BOTH!
• Though I hate saying this, the Chennai heat is finally getting to me!
• My PhD entrance results all seem like my current social status - DOA.
• My cat hates me!
• Parents are seriously considering marrying me off to some random Nair boy. And if I hear anyone cheering for this, I swear I shall plunge the Narsil up your booty!
• I slowly seem to be losing what little hold I have over the good things in life!

There you have it folks! So, the next time you hear me muttering to myself when I pass you by, just shrug and walk away... or if you really feel like helping, a nice pat on the back with an occasional 'there! there!' will suffice!

Finally!

Aaaaaaaaah..... finally, my life makes perfect sense once again! Up is Up. Down is Down. And I'm still little old almost invisible wittle me! And I love it this way.. I guess! :D

Now to tackle those little buggers one at a time! :)

Ayyo ayyayyo! Ayyo ayyayyooo!

The authoress is currently trying to procure a paper bag to wear over her head and hide from almost everybody! 金の人, you surely deserve to be kicked and hugged at the same time, my friend. :P

And from the other walks of life, another friend of mine seems to have hit quite a hard spot right now. Ah, don't worry, Mr. B! It'll all be fine soon enough... or so I hope! V(^_^)

Mr.Raindrop... playing around in my head!

I seriously think I have transcended the border that separates the surreal from the mundane! Yes... I've become psychic people! I was just browsing through Gintama media on the web when I see the Elizabeth rain-dance. And if you don't know what that means, it's part of the ending theme of the anime Gintama, which in my humble opinion is one of the best there is! Sorachi-sensei, you rock! =D
And so, I was wondering how nice it would be to listen to that ending theme. You will not believe it, the very next song in my iPod happens to be "Mr.Raindrop" by Amplified! And that's exactly the song that was featured in that particular ending! And is so addictive! Now, I can't get that song off my head!! =3

Amazing, ain't it? I know it's kinda lame.... ^__^;; but the otaku out there should be rejoicing with me right about now! =D

P.S. The picture was taken from here -
>>Clickity Clickity<<

P.P.S. Did I mention I LOVE Gintama? ;)

Chennai wins! CSK rocks Gandalf's socks off!

Yes! Yes! And YES! The Chennai Super Kings are going to the finals of the Indian Premier League! CSK kku oru biggle podunga pa! :P

And they beat the Deccan Chargers! A team to whom they'd lost in both encounters in the league matches!And so, Chennai beats Hyderabad.... I'm sure I have nothing against the folks from Hyderabad. But, this felt good! So good! Oh yesh, precioussssss! Chennai beat Hyderabad! All the folks who kept bragging about how Hyderabad was better than Chennai can suck on this! >=)

And so, like it has been fated to happen, Chennai and Hyderabad fight it out. (it holds so much meaning to me... personally! yep... I'm one crazy chicka! :P) And Chennai wins! Yes! Yes!!! Yes!!!!!

P.S. I'd prayed that I'd get my friend to do a tonsure if CSK wins... BWAHAHAHA!!! Thanga, my boy.... get those follicles ready! >=D

Hesitation...

Ah... finally, the days come to a close. I shall be writing my final exams soon and after that, I shall no longer be a masters student from the illustrious Anna University. Strange... I wanted to be rid of that place as soon as possible and now, when I am finally where I thought I wanted to be, I'm not so sure if this is indeed what I want.

I'll miss the people who'd studied with me these past two years. I'll miss the library that has been kind enough to lend me expensive books that otherwise, I could ill afford. The few professors for whom, I have the greatest respect. The people I met... the ones who have influenced me and whom I've influenced. The heartbreaks... The patch-ups... The silent gestures of subtle understanding...The sighs of despondence... The wisdom that was attained. Most of these things, I shall carry on with me as memories... like the sifting of leaves, I shall some wintry day, sift through these thoughts and smile at a joke that holds no merit to anyone but myself.

Farewell day draws near... and I am at loss what to say or do.

Kindred souls...

Yesterday was one of the most memorable days of my life. Why, you ask? Well, my nephew turned one, I met a kindred soul and even got the privilege of being called "really sweet person" by my cousin!

Yeah, little things I know... But sometimes, it's the little things that matter a lot.

I met a person who's just as passionate about animals as I am! Heck, this person even takes home strays from the road and tends to them if they're hurt! And my idea of starting a shelter was met with such encouragement for the first time ever! Why didn't I meet them before, I ask and then realize... some things happen only when they happen and there's nothing we can do about it! :D

I think I'm in love!

Ah well... for now, I am a little more cheerful than what I was yesterday! Let's see how things go...

"Hmmmm..." moments

It just occurs to me... I have a lot of friends... more than I can count. But very few I've confided in. And even to those very few who have seen a sliver of my inner thoughts, I haven't revealed all. Each of those people knows something about me that the others don't. None of them, above the other and none who know it all.

It's fun this way, ne? ;)

P.S. Kabuto in Naruto (ROFL) looks hotter with Orochimaru's eyes! :P