Thursday, October 24, 2013

Blogging from the phone!

This is my first ever post from my android phone! I've had the phone for a while now but never got around to actually using it for blogging! Maybe now, I'll feel motivated to blog as and when the urge dawns upon me!!

And I'm giving you a picture of Sadaharu! Here's her, looking all serious and contemplative!

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Doing what you love, loving what you do

The other day, my mother and grandmother all but cornered me asking me what I was doing with life.
The fact that I was earning an average salary in a job I loved didn't seem to be a titular achievement for them. All their friends had children who were either going abroad for studying or for work.
Sure! They were using up their folks' funds like no tomorrow. But, that was immaterial! They wanted to know why I had settled for a seemingly simpler life as mine.

And I can assure you, dear readers... I was a bit disappointed. In them.... and in me.

Don't get me wrong! I love my job! I sincerely feel that every little thing in my life had been for preparing me for this job. Call it destiny, if you will? And furthermore, certain incidents have made sure that I completely re-think the way I lived life. I was very much a "people-pleaser" before. And now, I see that standing up for myself is what I should've been doing all along. Anyway, that's all water under the bridge.

But this... these accusations that somehow, I had failed in life if I did not earn more than the people around me... it fell upon me like the metaphorical 'sucker-punch'. And when I was reeling from its effects (read shed a few private tears), I realized something.

I am me. Yes, it ought to have been obvious by now! I have been going about, telling people to be happy for who they were while in private, I was still worried what my parents would think of me. I was still a closet people-pleaser. Sure, I had started to think for myself and take steps to make myself the most important person in my life (and my companion dog shares that place!). But it was such a radical change from the way I thought of myself from before! I felt guilty every time I did something good for myself, thinking how others were going to perceive it! Oh, heaven forbid! Will they think me selfish and self-centered? Will I not be the same kind and selfless person everybody loved me for!?

You know what? It doesn't matter! Sure, there were so many people who thought I'd changed and they were unhappy with what they saw. And ironically, they were the same people who would always expect me to be there for them, even when I couldn't possibly be! But in the end, I was happy! Truly happy!

I didn't feel wretched every time I did something for myself! I felt loved... and I realized that this is me. This person filled with all these funny quirks and weirdness! This unique work of God or Nature or whatever! This soul who lives and feels the same way as anybody else! Yep... this is me!

I walked back to my mother and gave her a piece of my mind. Sure, she knew it by then that the words she had used weren't exactly kind ones. So, we met each other half-way. We're back to a seemingly normal life now. But I know they will always be them and that's something I need to live with!

And now, my father wants me to look into some job prospect that promises me the Heaven and the Earth.
Like I said, they will always be them. And I will always be me.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Book shopping!!

As many would know, I am a very big fan of Tolkien and the things related to that wonderful and amazing genius of a man!

As many would not know, his books were the ones that held me together when I was going through my bouts of severe depression! He gave me worlds into which I could escape into... a world where I didn't need to worry about fitting in or being one in a crowd!

So, it was quite a disastrous affair when I lost my copy of "The Lord of the Rings" seven years ago! Sure, it was a "pirated" edition (the only edition I could afford back then). But somehow, I never actually bought another copy. Instead, I treasured my other Tolkien books (Silmarillion - my all time favorite and Unfinished Tales) with my life! I never lent out these beauties to anyone! And so, they stood the test of time and are still with me.

I managed to get a copy of "The Hobbit" (The first book of Tolkien that I ever read!) and so, I just needed LoTR to fill the gap.

Well, now that I have a job and am earning enough to buy an occassional book, I've ordered me a copy from

I've been hitting the refresh button of their track order page every three minutes, hoping to finally see the message "Out for Delivery"... well, that was three days ago! Soooooooo.... the day has finally come! I just received a message stating that I shall get my book before seven tonight!

I can hardly contain my joy here! And I might just tear up a little when I see the book... only true fans of the series would understand the feeling! So yes, here I am, hoping to find my parcel reach my doorstep any moment now!

Monday, September 2, 2013

Time to come out of the closet!

Before anyone decides to assume things, this post is not about my sexual preferences!

This post is about the recently discovered fact that has me gaping in desperation!

I am a shopaholic!

It all came down to the morning when my mother sat me down and asked me just how much I had saved in the eight months that I've been working! When I ought to have at least fifty grand stowed away for a rainy day, I am literally penniless! So.... where is all the money gone? Where? WHERE?!!!

I sat down and did a check up on exactly where the money was going. And needless to say, I wasn't happy when I saw the results!!
The pattern was inevitable! I would save for a month and spend two month's worth salary on clothes and accessories!! And that, basically took me to square one! (or square 0.5, I don't know!!)

And majority of the clothes were T-shirts and shoes!
For someone who survived on a single pair of shoes for a good five years, (I kid you not!) I've bought three pairs of shoes that I find no use of beyond two or three wears!!
And as for clothing, I'm splurging on jeans! I've all but given up on traditional Indian clothing. Give me a good pair of jeans and a multitude of T-shirts that will keep me going for a week atleast! All the better when it comes to laundering the mess.

But then again, thanks to the fact that I have a body that is unlike any normal person, I cannot just buy random things off the racks. And anything that fits me ends up costing a lot more than it should!

I did have a reality check, a month into the job and I've been maintaining a record of how much I spend on Evernote. But I hardly see any improvement. All I do is cry at the end of the month looking at how little I have managed to save!

Oh God... I need divine intervention... or a pay hike! (I'd very much like the latter!!)

Thursday, August 29, 2013

I passed! I PASSED!! I FREAKING PASSED!!! And then, I was broke....

Alrighty! For those of you who're wondering as to what the jibbers I'm going on about, I'll have you know that I have safely cleared my JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) N2 level safe and sound... okay. just barely! But whatever! I cleared! And that's all I'm bothered about.

N2 amigos! I am now officially somewhat knowledgeable in what I do.... I think!
And now for the sad part... I'm nearly broke! Well.... not exactly nearly broke... I mean, well... ah, forget it!

To celebrate the great news that is me clearing the N2 level, I decided I'd get myself a new pair of jeans! And since I'm monstrously tall (according to everyone shorter than me) and being infamously thin (again, according to folks fatter than me), I cannot buy jeans that are supposed to be for women because everybody assumes that you're going to be either gigantic or petite! Nope! No sizes in the middle!! And as is my wont, I was browsing through the Men's section of Jeans on the interwebz. (more on that, later!)

I found the jeans I wanted and added the bugger to my cart... and clicked order now! But for some reason, I just couldn't click checkout! I just couldn't bring myself to!!

And so, here I am. Broke... with a pair of jeans I terribly want... with just enough money to get it if I forgo food and commutation for the next seven days!!

Why? Why, oh Lord?!


Thursday, August 1, 2013

Life's lessons

Hello there!

August is finally here and the days have begun to get a little cooler! (Thank God for that!)

And I've been bursting to tell the world exactly how I've been faring!
What's that? You don't care? Oh well, don't let the back button hit you in the smacker when you leave! Aaaaaahahahahaha!!!!

Okay...for those of you who've decided to stick around and read on, here's what's been happening.

  1. I've finally decided to put my foot down and show a "few people" that I am not going to be taken for a ride!
  2. I've learnt that walking away does not mean you're weak. Sometimes, you need more courage and mental strength to walk away than to just let things be!
  3. I'm in a job I love! And I am surrounded by people who wish me well!
  4. I've become stronger. Yep! This is in direct correlation with point no. 2. And I've changed... in subtle ways that people who've known me before can feel. They say that blind, trusting innocence in me is not there anymore... that I've become a bit harder. Yes. I have. It would be surprising and altogether impossible not to change after going through the cesspool of ordeals that I was made to go through. But just so everyone knows, I still possess a heart and soul. And I trust people. Just that, before, I used to feel hurt when that trust was broken and wouldn't say a word. But now, I'm becoming the woman who makes the Devil groan that I'm up for another day! Yes... no more bullshit! And definitely no more hurt!!
  5. I've gotten a dog!!! YES! I HAVE!!!! She's an adorable little thing that loves me so very much that both of us suffer from separation anxiety sometimes, when we don't see each other. She's at my place of work. But I get to take her home when I leave that job for another one!
  6. I've learnt to love myself. Yep... how can you expect someone to love something you don't? And that should include yourself! I am not perfect... heck, I'm a mess at times! But this is me. And this is how I'll always be. I've realized that I cannot be what anyone else wants me to be and be happy at the same time. So, here's to being myself and the joys that it brings!!
That's all that I can think of right now! Do you have things you've learnt along life?

Thursday, March 28, 2013

At a threshold here!

It's been a while, hasn't it? Well... to be honest, I've been through quite a bit and finally, I can see the silver lining... the light ahead a really long tunnel. And I thank God for being there for me... for never letting go... for giving me the strength and showing me what wonderous things I was capable of doing!

Next month, I shall hopefully be rid of all the negativity and harmful influences that had plagued my existence for the past two years. I shall say goodbye to quite a number of people who had made sure to keep me down... to discourage me and tell me that I was not good enough. There is God... And he has truly worked his miracle through me. Will I ever get the courage required to talk about it? Will there be anyone out there who would listen? For now, I don't know.

But this much is certain. I'm at the threshold now. And I don't ever have to worry about what others would think if I were to be happy! For the first time in my life, I am happy without guilt or that light tinge of regret that often comes in uninvited with our happy moments mostly.

For all that had happened, I am glad I've become stronger. I'm glad I've matured. I'm glad I didn't lose anything of mine to people who never truly deserved it!

Soon.... I'll be totally free!