WTF????

The final semester has begun at last and today was my first class... Advanced Materials.... *cue yawn* It's not like I have anything against the subject or the professor! But... come now... when I could've taken up something as interesting as Non-linear Dynamics and Chaos computing, I'm stuck with Advanced Materials! And as if this wasn't enough to have me running around in circles, tearing my hair apart, I had some major WTF moments today!

Moment #1:
The professor who takes Advanced Materials started the first class with questions on what composites were. Now, we'd brushed up a little on what composites are and their basic properties. But, come on! The first class? The first thing he utters is a question?! *sigh* And well... I had the answers for most of his questions (I could be wrong... but I had answers! :P) and was about to say them... but before I had plucked up enough courage to even open my mouth and utter at least more than two words, he had left the question and hopped on to the next one. And well... I decided I would get this one out at the very least. He asked us what the need for composites were. I had just started the answer and before I could complete, he said "Exactly!"... I'm sure he's either telekinetic or really wanted to end the class as soon as possible!

Moment #2:
One of my friends from another course under the same department as mine wanted a change in his electives. Now, for the uninitiated, my HOD (Head of the Department) is the kind of guy you wouldn't want to mess around with. And for as long as you are under his roof, you will just have to smile and bear with whatever bullshit he puts in front of you. I know it's not exactly fair... but hey! Who said life was all fair to begin with?! My friend is the kind of person who does not take these kinds of dilly-dallying lying down. (But the HOD has far less control over his degree than he has over mine! -__-;;;)
And so, he spoke in less than diplomatic ways in front of HOD and finally, after a consensus was reached, another professor (let's call her Mrs. Dawn) had asked him if he wanted to do his desired elective with us. But he vehemently went against the idea and when asked why, he told her that the folks in my course were a little of the arrogant side. Her immediate question was if he meant a certain tall girl. Now, I'm the only 'tall girl' in my class as the others are basically 'slightly less to normal' height. Why would this qualify as a WTF moment, you ask? Well... because the lady has never ever spoken to me and doesn't take any classes for me. So, I am at a total loss as to how she could be the judge of my character. And further more, if I was as arrogant as she thinks I am, I wouldn't be taken for granted by so many people in that god damned place!

*sigh* I just wish to be done with that place once and for all! =/

*The author is laughing her butt off and so cannot insert a Title right now.. so, insert your own title here!*

It has been quite a week here... what with Lab and a nut for a professor... it was at the least amusing at times but mostly irritating!

We have Dr. Kappochino (pun heavily intended!) who is in charge of Lab sessions for the Second year Masters students (that means us). And we are slowly beginning to wonder and gape with astonishment as to how in the name of the "Holy Plunger that the Great Balooga uses", she got her PhD.!

I mean.... come on! It doesn't take an IQ of 140 to figure that the metal Copper will not melt at 110°C! I mean... if it did, we wouldn't be seeing so many metal furnaces around.... would we? Of course, the melting point changes with variation in the atmospheric pressure, but in a normal environment where the butt of your experiment is open to the elements, I guess it is relatively safe you won't end up with copper goo when you heat it up to 110°C!

And for some reason, I think she hates me from the core of her rotten and black organ that in no way resembles a heart! And this particular hypothesis is strongly supported by evidences where she refuses to sign my lab observations stating I was absent for one friggin' class! Well.... Screw you, bitch!

But seriously.... how can she be taken seriously when I know how she got so badly screwed by her Research Guide who thought dancing monkeys with bananas in their assholes could get their PhD's before she could! Ah well....

I've begun to realize just what a small place my Department is. I met with a friend who's escaped (read graduated) from the Department last year and is now in a better place (I shall not mention where), who's told me how much credentials these bozos hold outside the department. And in a way it makes sense! No professor worth their pinch of salt would actually lord over their students in such an ostentatious manner unless they were worth shit outside their petty realm!

And to this hoard, add a professor who made his research student a scapegoat for a research paper he stole word by word out of a poor bloke from Stanford and how he asks us not to plagiarize for our seminars! BWAHAHAHAHA! Oh! And another bloke who bought his research student her PhD and just made her sit there... probably being his secretary for six friggin' long years!

Aaaaaand the head of them all who's a pretty nice guy underneath... but well... you know.... you just can't like him! He's as enjoyable as that boil you got on your hiney the last time you went out for a sunbath!

And these asstards expect us to take them seriously.... Surely you must jest, Dr. what's-his-face!

But having said all of this, I must say there are still a handful of faculty left in my department who still hold some amount of respect in my sight. It just pains me to see those few good and worthy souls trapped in the middle of this circus!

To add to this pandemonium, I have a bunch of total Dickheads for classmates (except a few genuinely nice people!)... wait... they can't be dickheads... that would make them sensitive! Nope... they are more like the feces that leaves your asshole when you're constipated! Yep.... that's more like them! They'll smile at you and smile at you and smile at you while they think of a way to hack your guts open so they can be done with you. Now, I don't say that everybody should like me and treat me gently.... Heck, hate me? Be my guest, fella! But please.... have the balls to do it to my face! I wasn't born yesterday and all that synthetic smile's making your butt ugly face look botoxed!

And if some of those idiots think that hogging the system just so I can't code and will have to face the 'wrath of Dr. Kappochino' again... get a life! How hard is it to source the software out and load it in my PC... in my room.... where I can code while listening to LP..... singing out loud.... without having to worry about when the HOD (a.k.a. the boil in the butt) would drop in and literally punch my headlights in for singing in the Lab? Now.... the same people, who boast on being the class-toppers (give them the Telephone Directory and they'll tell it back to you in an hour... extension codes and all! Just the thing needed for creative research!) don't know what 1 mole of a substance is!

Psssst: Dr. Kappochino hopes to get us screwed for not completing MATLAB on time! I think I wet myself from laughing too hard!

A scientific look at the Species called 'The Professor'

The professor is a creature that is one of the most peculiar of all creatures observed. And when I say peculiar, I mean it in a subtle myriad ways!

And so, I decided to make a small data-sheet for this one of a kind creature.
(This was complied after months of intense research! Please do make sure to have my name included in any publications that you might publish this in! *snortguffawheheh*

• Name: The Professor
• Scientific Name: Blunderus Exaggerata (al.) Goofius Dodofiscia (al.) Viciouscula Vendettaidrela
• Natural Habitat: Colleges and Universities. Mostly seen in the classroom ecosystem.
  
• Place in the food-web: Predator with a capital neonized P!
• Preferred environmental conditions: Dark and dingy classrooms populated with silent and befuddled creatures called 'Students' (This species will be covered later on).
• Preferred Prey: Students...and other smaller professors at times.
• Interesting facts: The Professor is an interesting creature and is a highly evolved species (even though it goes by the name 'Goofius Dodofiscia' at times). The Professor is the final result of the process of evolution of a simple Lecturer (Goofius Dodofiscia priori). It has been observed that in majority of the cases studied, the viciousness and air-headedness of the subject tends to remain constant or increase with time as it evolves.
  
  There are both male and female specimens in the species of The Professor and it is observed that they do not mate! And if by chance they do (AH! HEAVEN HAVE MERCY!!!), the outcome will not always result in the off-spring being a Professor. The only way this species maintains its ecological balance is either by being active in the ecosystem for a very loooong time (by this time it evolves into a new sub-species by the name Viciouscula Vendettaidrela Emeritus) or by the process of rapid evolution from a Lecturer to a Professor.
  
  The Professor is a pack animal and most packs are led by a single head who goes by the vernacular title of *Cue building dramatic pause* The H.O.D. The head is either a sedatory creature who hardly bothers with the minute details of the classroom activity, having many subordinates to do the dirty work; or turns into a horrid and rabid creature who puts the "Vicious" in Viciouscula Vendettaidrela!
  
  
• Survival tips for those who encounter this species: Those who encounter the Professor will have to be very careful in their manner of behaving with this creature. The Professor is in essence a very simple minded creature and is highly prone to what is commonly known as 'flattery'. This includes praising their work on diaper designs for sparrows in the wild and their thesis on how the Universe was created by a Blender on high. But caution has to be exercised as too much flattery can cause excessive 'mental retching' in the case of the flatterer and an excessive helium inflation to the cerebrum in the case of the flatteree. because of this particular aspect, The Professor is also known by the name Flaterris Flatter (though certain experts disagree as not all Professors are prone to fall for this trick).
  
  Another way of appeasing The Professor from causing any harm is to obey its every whim and command. This also includes working on seven simultaneous papers that may be out of scope and feeding The Professor's pet piranha - at the same time. Though this method is highly tedious, it has been proven to work on almost all the subjects that were studied.
  
  The last option is to fall down and beg for mercy. This option is to be followed only if all the above options fail and one finds oneself between the Sea and The Professor.
  
  
  
  
  
• More research is being taken up even as you read this and soon, many more interesting facts about this creature shall see the light of day.... your computer screen... television... whatever!

That's all we have for this edition. Kindly do visit us back again for more information on many other interesting creatures and species!

Thank you!