Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A scientific look at the Species called 'The Professor'

The professor is a creature that is one of the most peculiar of all creatures observed. And when I say peculiar, I mean it in a subtle myriad ways!

And so, I decided to make a small data-sheet for this one of a kind creature.
(This was complied after months of intense research! Please do make sure to have my name included in any publications that you might publish this in! *snortguffawheheh*

  • Name: The Professor
  • Scientific Name: Blunderus Exaggerata (al.) Goofius Dodofiscia (al.) Viciouscula Vendettaidrela
  • Natural Habitat: Colleges and Universities. Mostly seen in the classroom ecosystem.
  • Place in the food-web: Predator with a capital neonized P!
  • Preferred environmental conditions: Dark and dingy classrooms populated with silent and befuddled creatures called 'Students' (This species will be covered later on).
  • Preferred Prey: Students...and other smaller professors at times.
  • Interesting facts: The Professor is an interesting creature and is a highly evolved species (even though it goes by the name 'Goofius Dodofiscia' at times). The Professor is the final result of the process of evolution of a simple Lecturer (Goofius Dodofiscia priori). It has been observed that in majority of the cases studied, the viciousness and air-headedness of the subject tends to remain constant or increase with time as it evolves.

    There are both male and female specimens in the species of The Professor and it is observed that they do not mate! And if by chance they do (AH! HEAVEN HAVE MERCY!!!), the outcome will not always result in the off-spring being a Professor. The only way this species maintains its ecological balance is either by being active in the ecosystem for a very loooong time (by this time it evolves into a new sub-species by the name Viciouscula Vendettaidrela Emeritus) or by the process of rapid evolution from a Lecturer to a Professor.

    The Professor is a pack animal and most packs are led by a single head who goes by the vernacular title of *Cue building dramatic pause* The H.O.D. The head is either a sedatory creature who hardly bothers with the minute details of the classroom activity, having many subordinates to do the dirty work; or turns into a horrid and rabid creature who puts the "Vicious" in Viciouscula Vendettaidrela!

  • Survival tips for those who encounter this species: Those who encounter the Professor will have to be very careful in their manner of behaving with this creature. The Professor is in essence a very simple minded creature and is highly prone to what is commonly known as 'flattery'. This includes praising their work on diaper designs for sparrows in the wild and their thesis on how the Universe was created by a Blender on high. But caution has to be exercised as too much flattery can cause excessive 'mental retching' in the case of the flatterer and an excessive helium inflation to the cerebrum in the case of the flatteree. because of this particular aspect, The Professor is also known by the name Flaterris Flatter (though certain experts disagree as not all Professors are prone to fall for this trick).

    Another way of appeasing The Professor from causing any harm is to obey its every whim and command. This also includes working on seven simultaneous papers that may be out of scope and feeding The Professor's pet piranha - at the same time. Though this method is highly tedious, it has been proven to work on almost all the subjects that were studied.

    The last option is to fall down and beg for mercy. This option is to be followed only if all the above options fail and one finds oneself between the Sea and The Professor.

  • More research is being taken up even as you read this and soon, many more interesting facts about this creature shall see the light of day.... your computer screen... television... whatever!

That's all we have for this edition. Kindly do visit us back again for more information on many other interesting creatures and species!

Thank you!

1 comment :

  1. u even notice them ?

    PS take off the word verification app on ur comments pages, It is plain annoying