On Friends and what they say

We’re all human. We’re all flawed; some of us more than the others. And we do not like having our flaws pointed out. It’s only natural… we know where we lack and it’s not a nice feeling having people point it out.

But sometimes, we need to have our shortcomings pointed out. And that is where true friends step in. We feel friends are those who uplift us when we’re down… encouraging us when we feel like shit. Yes, that is all true. But sometimes, the truest encouragement is not the kind words saying we’ll get our bearings, but rather the well-meaning kick in the back asking us to get our shit together. Now, it may seem harsh; even evil at times. But having been through depression at a point in my life, I’ll tell you this – that works wonders. Or rather, it should.

I had a friend give me the metaphorical kick when I was spending way too much money on things I didn’t need… heck, I would be broke a week within payday all because I had to go to this store and buy a feathered hair clip that I wouldn’t even wear! It was harsh… but I knew I needed it. And I can’t thank him enough for it. Yeah, at the moment, I felt it was unfair that he was being all bossy and what not… telling me how I should manage my finances. I thought, who gave him the right?! But now, I realize, him being my friend gave him the absolute right to do just what he did.

He didn’t mince words when he told me I was being irresponsible. I was. And it smarted because I knew he was true. And though I did sulk hearing that, I never dwelt on the hurt. I decided to see things from his perspective and I knew he was right. And he… he was a person who had been through some of the worst trials Life could throw at a person… and that too at a very young age. At a time when others were all going to college and hanging out with friends, my friend, he worked 2 jobs back to back while attending college and after graduation, went out and worked 2 shifts, just so he could clear off the debt incurred to treat his dying father.

I understood he knew what he was talking about. He is street smart in ways I wasn’t. And if I am who I am, able to hold my own in a fight or in a crisis, it’s because of what I’ve learnt from him.

So, the next time your best friend says something you think is mean, just pause… it could be that they have a point. Sometimes, the best way to get us on our feet is a good kick in the ass!

You'll always be my family!

My best friend of twelve years got married today. And as can be expected, it was a glorious day! And this post, I dedicate to her,

My dearest friend,
We've been through so much and we've stood strong in the end. We've been silent and we've seen friendships fall to dust. And we've still smiled at each other with a knowing look that not all the gold in the world could compensate for. I know I haven't always called you... I haven't always texted you... we've never had sleepovers and we surely never baked cookies together. But I also know that even when we haven't been in touch for months together, the very sight or the very sigh in our voices manage to convey all that we want to and not all the texts and phone calls and sleepovers can ever manage to recreate the same magic that innate understanding invokes in us.

You have been a pillar of support in every trouble I've faced. I don't know if I've ever been that perfect friend that quotes are written about. I can only hope that I've been at least half the person that you truly deserve for a friend!

And my dear, I know it is unfair of me to cling on to you when you take flight with the one who'll be the closest to you henceforth. I cannot be jealous! He has truly done good deeds to deserve a wife as beautiful as you. And I also know that it is only natural that the birds take flight to distant corners so that the nest is left behind as a reminder of the good times that were spent there. And those good times, I shall enshrine... always remember that we've been best friends and shall continue to do so. Even if your new family requires your attention more than anything else... even if newer additions come into the family... I'll always keep you in a special place - one that cannot be compared to anything or anyone else!

My dearest friend,today when you sat there, the very image of the resplendent bride,  I can say that there were none other who were more beautiful and divine than you! And for a moment, I felt so proud! Knowing that someone so beautiful had graced me with the honour of friendship, how can I not feel so?!

I can only say this... I know we shall remain just as close as we ever were even if we're divided by continents...by oceans... by worlds in between us.

I love you!

Ah... it's such an bittersweet experience when your best friend gets married... you know they're there. But you also know that it's not the same thing. And it's totally unfair expecting it to be so, either! I cried... yep! Bawled like a baby once I reached home, thinking of all the wonderful times we had! And knowing her, she knows how I feel... We're special... that way!

Anyway, I wish her all the very best of everything that is humanly possible! And if she ever needs a ear to rant to or whisper fears in, all she needs to do is turn my way.

What else are friends for? :)

A hug for you!

I was just going through my blog stats when i noticed that one person had stumbled upon my site because they googled for "pregnant and my friends abandoned me".

I sincerely hope that person is feeling better. And here's a hug from me!

I have no idea who you are...or where you are. But this post is just to let you know that you're not alone and that there's always something better out there in the world. I hope you find the courage to face the world in the situation you're in right now. And if you always need a hug (even if it's just an e-hug!), you can count on me!

I hope you're feeling better there! :)

When the cuckoo flies overhead...

The past few days has been quite something! I know I can't believe I'm saying this... but my house looks habitable... Heck! It looks so neat and pretty! I seriously didn't think I could achieve this in two days but I sure did! So now, when my uncle and his family (his -in-laws included!) drop in after three years, they'll see squeaky clean rooms and paraphernalia! And believe me, I've learnt my lesson of not hoarding up useless junk and throwing it away if I don't need it! Yes sir!

And it set me thinking. Why did I collect all those junk that I actually didn't need or finished using? Hmmmm... the reason might sound utterly ridiculous and I'm not sure how many people are going to kill me or laugh till they die once they know it! But what the heck! The reason was because I felt sorry for those things. Yes! I actually thought I was hurting the feelings of the used pen by throwing it away... I felt it would be thinking (yes... 'it' would be thinking... apparently some might feel I wasn't! :P) that I'd dumped it once my use for it was over... and so, every stub of used pencil, unusable erasers, torn notebooks, and every other sort of junk found its way into my room and stayed there! Well... being an only child, I didn't have too much company around... Even friends were few and far in between. Maybe that was why I grew up considering the feelings of all objects around me... living and non-living... because those things kept me company when I was alone. This sounds depressing ne? Ah well! :D at least nobody can call me cruel! So there!

And this sets me thinking again... I've seen more than my share of people move away... grow away from me. If people could lose interest and outgrow my friendship and acquaintance, how different am I from the so called 'junk' that I threw out today? People who'd spoken so happily to me don't even seem to recognize me these days... or maybe they choose not to. Maybe I'm just a part of a past that they have no need for. Ah well... here's wishing all of them the very best for their future and I pray they never get this sort of treatment... it hurts! :/

Birthdays and wishes

I recently celebrated my Birthday and let me tell you... it was such fun! For the very first time in 22 years, I cut a cake and had friends around who'd arranged for the whole thing... cheering me on... letting me know how much they loved me. And at that moment, if I could have had one wish come to pass, I would've wished for all my friends, wherever they are... however they are, to be happy! I hope all their dreams come true!

I love you guys!

Psssssst: And I know I haven't been updating that very religiously these days! I've a million assignment deadlines and entrance exams coming up! Gomen ne... Oh... and I got a really pretty purple and black backpack! I'm so Hap-py! =D

...................

The past few days have been a whirlwind of sorts and has left me utterly confused! And to make matters worse, I met a few of my old friends who seemed to have completely forgotten they had at one time in the past known me and considered me a good friend. It made me sit and think... Who were my dearest and closest of confidantes? And the truth that emerges is that every one of my friends has been a very close to my heart... but somehow, I've never figured in anyone's "best of the best" buddies... Now, I know a lot of people shall utter disgruntled sounds of disapproval. But hey! I'm not complaining here! =) I am merely stating the facts, people. And I guess it's just the way I had moved with every single one of them. Maybe I hid a part of my soul from every one of them...

Ah well! Cest la vie! =D

Dide...you silly fool...

Dearest Dide,

How is it possible for you and your minions to so easily make friends and then discard them away when you've done using them up? How effortlessly you show how 'low' you are when you cut off all ties when someone you know gets something better in life? How can you accuse others of misunderstanding every bloody thing you do when you don't ever leave that silly pedestal of yours and look down upon everybody around you? How can you go about thinking of yourself to be a Tennyo in disguise when deep down inside I see the true Oni that you are?

How can you be so.... you?

Just so you know... He was a really nice person and you've lost out on his friendship by being the 'person' you are. And I shalln't repeat the same mistakes you've been foolish and selfish enough to commit. He has been a good friend and like a brother to me. I've had enough people being snatched away from me thanks to you and your ploys. I refuse to lose anymore!

Your friend who still can't believe you're being such a prat,
Kikyo.

Meetings....Memories....Musings....

The past few days have been a potpourri of emotions and experiences... From the happiest to the most annoying...

I managed to meet up with a school friend of mine (two of them actually) and I now know I have good, well meaning friends... It's amazing how we've managed to be the best of friends for close to eight years! And I hope I continue to have their love and affection for many more years to come. One day was never enough to convey everything we wanted the other to know! And I am sure the others felt just like that...
The meeting leaves such a beautiful imprint on my mind and heart now that I think back to that day! =D

And now for the worst...well... not exactly 'worst' (I've seen worse!) but well... Ah fiddlesticks!

I'm not going into the details of what exactly happened. But let's just say there was a particular running into a person I know who gave me quite the cold shoulder... Ah well, if that person thinks feels it below their station to have a courteous conversation with me, nothing I can do to change that!

There is only so much a person can do to salvage a relationship and if it means one has to grovel and beg to be treated with warmth, I wonder if that kind of a warmth is indeed needed!

*sigh* I've had enough harrowing memories thinking of how I did not stand up to my desires and wishes just because I thought they would offend the people around me. And now I realize... the ones who are so deeply offended by my dreams when there is no actual reason to be so are not exactly doing me or the world a favour.

So, that's one heavy baggage off my back!

And now for a little confession from my side... I've observed how I let every single slight meted out to me take a hold over my thoughts... and how I thought of every single person who's made 'not-so-very-funny' comments of me as some sort of mortal enemy. I've also grown more aware of the fact that how I've felt a little heart-broken when people have forgotten I existed...when I was all alone when everyone else had a group to call their own.

And now as I sit in front of my system, tapping away at the keyboard, watching the words form, I realize the ultimate truth - GET OVER IT!

There! I've gotten over all the times when I never got a reply for my urgent messages... I've gotten over the times when being the 'everybody' meant being a 'nobody'.... I have gotten over the times when things didn't work out the way I've wanted them to... I've gotten over the times when I was forgotten.

And suddenly, I feel so much lighter!

Arbit updates

Ken has come and Ken has gone! :)

Yeah... it was nice having him here. He's sure a wonderful friend to have around! And since I'd missed his birthday party (Him living in Hyderabad right now is a really good reason for that! And that my parents will freak out if I were to ask them to let me go to Hyderabad for a party is also another equally good reason!), I bought him a wallet. Believe me... he needed that! That.. and the latest edition of Scientific American. (oh and I didn't get to read that... T~T)

And as for the other things that I had to do... eheh... you know me... hardly did anything else! Oh well... I'll finish up with the Engineering Graphics and the 'fan-fiction' today. As for the rest, there's always tomorrow!

Sigh... somehow... I feel so bored with the way my life's going right now... And hearing the kind of fun they have in Hyderabad, I can't help but kick myself in the rear for not having cleared the entrance exams for HCU!

Oh well... what's happened has happened!

Yes... one more thing. Mom's friend's been diagnosed with Oral Cancer. And he's an avid fan of the infamous 'pan supari'. He's not attending any calls as he can't speak and his condition's progressed to the secondary stage. Well... at this rate, he has a 50% chance of surviving. Let's hope he does! And let this be a reminder for everyone who finds pan tasty or addictive!

Enough lectures! I shall leave ye all in peace for now! Sayonara, minna!

Dirge for ragged bonds

The days after my surgery... I've found that there were many changes in the world around me. I could see more clearly... I didn't need those heavy glasses. But what I didn't expect to see were the true colours of some of them who claimed to be good friends.

Not one call from those who I thought would call me when they'll come to know. But there were a few calls from people that I thought wouldn't. They were relatively newer acquaintances.

I don't say I hardly expected this. But well... I wouldn't have thought much of it had it not been for one of my friends who recently rang me up and promptly informed me that she wanted some favour... Well, that figures!

Hmmm... strangely, I don't feel depressed or sad. And I should say 'Dirge' is too morose a term for explaining this. But Dirge is a very respectable way of sending something away ne?

And that is exactly what I intend to do... Send away these ragged bonds of friendship to rest in peace. May they never be disturbed again!