........*grumblegrumble*.........

Have you ever felt like the mouse aboard a sinking ship, having no say in what is to come your way? Well... right now, I distinctly understand and sympathize with the little rodents! And here are the reasons why.

• My Project guide has managed to confuse my already muddled up brain by alternating between two different calculation techniques and he can't seem to decide if he wants to give me the Hydrogen Molecule scenario or the Hydrogen Bonding one! And as a result, my project needs to be started from scratch.... again!
• Some people are really REALLY starting to bug me with their annoying third grade antics and for once, I wish I could just slap them and tell them to get a life.
• My doctor seems to think I might either have a very low Blood Pressure or very low sugar count or... god help us, BOTH!
• Though I hate saying this, the Chennai heat is finally getting to me!
• My PhD entrance results all seem like my current social status - DOA.
• My cat hates me!
• Parents are seriously considering marrying me off to some random Nair boy. And if I hear anyone cheering for this, I swear I shall plunge the Narsil up your booty!
• I slowly seem to be losing what little hold I have over the good things in life!

There you have it folks! So, the next time you hear me muttering to myself when I pass you by, just shrug and walk away... or if you really feel like helping, a nice pat on the back with an occasional 'there! there!' will suffice!

Finally!

Aaaaaaaaah..... finally, my life makes perfect sense once again! Up is Up. Down is Down. And I'm still little old almost invisible wittle me! And I love it this way.. I guess! :D

Now to tackle those little buggers one at a time! :)

Ayyo ayyayyo! Ayyo ayyayyooo!

The authoress is currently trying to procure a paper bag to wear over her head and hide from almost everybody! 金の人, you surely deserve to be kicked and hugged at the same time, my friend. :P

And from the other walks of life, another friend of mine seems to have hit quite a hard spot right now. Ah, don't worry, Mr. B! It'll all be fine soon enough... or so I hope! V(^_^)

Mr.Raindrop... playing around in my head!

I seriously think I have transcended the border that separates the surreal from the mundane! Yes... I've become psychic people! I was just browsing through Gintama media on the web when I see the Elizabeth rain-dance. And if you don't know what that means, it's part of the ending theme of the anime Gintama, which in my humble opinion is one of the best there is! Sorachi-sensei, you rock! =D
And so, I was wondering how nice it would be to listen to that ending theme. You will not believe it, the very next song in my iPod happens to be "Mr.Raindrop" by Amplified! And that's exactly the song that was featured in that particular ending! And is so addictive! Now, I can't get that song off my head!! =3

Amazing, ain't it? I know it's kinda lame.... ^__^;; but the otaku out there should be rejoicing with me right about now! =D

P.S. The picture was taken from here -
>>Clickity Clickity<<

P.P.S. Did I mention I LOVE Gintama? ;)

Chennai wins! CSK rocks Gandalf's socks off!

Yes! Yes! And YES! The Chennai Super Kings are going to the finals of the Indian Premier League! CSK kku oru biggle podunga pa! :P

And they beat the Deccan Chargers! A team to whom they'd lost in both encounters in the league matches!And so, Chennai beats Hyderabad.... I'm sure I have nothing against the folks from Hyderabad. But, this felt good! So good! Oh yesh, precioussssss! Chennai beat Hyderabad! All the folks who kept bragging about how Hyderabad was better than Chennai can suck on this! >=)

And so, like it has been fated to happen, Chennai and Hyderabad fight it out. (it holds so much meaning to me... personally! yep... I'm one crazy chicka! :P) And Chennai wins! Yes! Yes!!! Yes!!!!!

P.S. I'd prayed that I'd get my friend to do a tonsure if CSK wins... BWAHAHAHA!!! Thanga, my boy.... get those follicles ready! >=D

Hesitation...

Ah... finally, the days come to a close. I shall be writing my final exams soon and after that, I shall no longer be a masters student from the illustrious Anna University. Strange... I wanted to be rid of that place as soon as possible and now, when I am finally where I thought I wanted to be, I'm not so sure if this is indeed what I want.

I'll miss the people who'd studied with me these past two years. I'll miss the library that has been kind enough to lend me expensive books that otherwise, I could ill afford. The few professors for whom, I have the greatest respect. The people I met... the ones who have influenced me and whom I've influenced. The heartbreaks... The patch-ups... The silent gestures of subtle understanding...The sighs of despondence... The wisdom that was attained. Most of these things, I shall carry on with me as memories... like the sifting of leaves, I shall some wintry day, sift through these thoughts and smile at a joke that holds no merit to anyone but myself.

Farewell day draws near... and I am at loss what to say or do.

Kindred souls...

Yesterday was one of the most memorable days of my life. Why, you ask? Well, my nephew turned one, I met a kindred soul and even got the privilege of being called "really sweet person" by my cousin!

Yeah, little things I know... But sometimes, it's the little things that matter a lot.

I met a person who's just as passionate about animals as I am! Heck, this person even takes home strays from the road and tends to them if they're hurt! And my idea of starting a shelter was met with such encouragement for the first time ever! Why didn't I meet them before, I ask and then realize... some things happen only when they happen and there's nothing we can do about it! :D

I think I'm in love!

Ah well... for now, I am a little more cheerful than what I was yesterday! Let's see how things go...

"Hmmmm..." moments

It just occurs to me... I have a lot of friends... more than I can count. But very few I've confided in. And even to those very few who have seen a sliver of my inner thoughts, I haven't revealed all. Each of those people knows something about me that the others don't. None of them, above the other and none who know it all.

It's fun this way, ne? ;)

P.S. Kabuto in Naruto (ROFL) looks hotter with Orochimaru's eyes! :P

D'oh... once again! :(

Have you ever felt like you were being nice to someone and they always seem to misinterpret it as a nuisance? Hmmm... sometimes, I never learn! And I mean 'never'!

Cutie-san.... I know you're going through some really tough times. But please don't be rude! If I have done something wrong, I have the right to know, ne? And I miss the good times we used to have back then! Please be okay!

P.S. I'm in love with that puppy! I plan to abduct the little fellow from wherever he is!

D'oh... for being tall!

I shalln't dilly dally about here. being tall sucks! I just got quite a shiner in my right knee thanks to my extensively lanky legs! And I can't seem to bend my legs at all now! It hurts quite a lot to do that...

It's not just this... being tall means having to sit in cramped bus seats clearly meant for people with shorter (read normal) legs, tripping unsuspecting family members when sleeping sprawled out on the floor, being asked to answer random questions in class for the simple reason that I'm the one who cannot be missed!

I could go on... But I guess I shouldn't complain. I mean... atleast I'm not disabled or have any disfiguration! But it HURTS US, PRECIOUSSSSSSSSS!!!! And the bruise is turning purple... Oy vey!

I don't know what to say... I truly don't!

I've realized that I am not exactly the best person to offer serious consolation when needed! I am the person to come to when you need to make a joke out of the situation.... but when serious times come calling and all the contact I have with that person is through a chat window or a phone, I just don't know how I can sound sincere without sounding too condescending!

To all my friends out there who'd told me something really sad and I'd replied, "I don't know what to say...", I truly mean it... I have not an inkling what to say. And I don't want to say something and make you feel bad or disdained!

But, please remember that I truly do feel for you. And it's really sad for me not to be able to do anything! :(

Two down.... a lot more to go!

*sigh* The result is out! TIFR does not seem to want me afterall!
Ah well... their loss! That's one down... quite a lot more to go! And so.... TIFR.... pshhhhhhh.... glug glug glug glug.... goes down the toilet! :D

Hmmmm.... that's GATE and TIFR down for now.

P.S. I know calling it their loss is a teensie bit too much but... you know... it's either that or bawl my eyes out! And I don't think you peeps would want to see me do the latter! :P

The P and the P

Now that I have reached the middle of the dreaded early twenties, I find myself in quite the predicament! On one side, people seem to tell me that this is the prime time of my life and that I should enjoy all that life brings me. On the other side, some others tell me that it is time I gave marriage and starting a family some serious thought! And in the midst of it all, I am buried under the larges pile up as far as work is concerned! It's during times like these that you start thinking differently.

Like for instance, there's no need to be worried about the diverging paths of marriage and higher studies as far as I am concerned. Why do you ask? Because both are elementarily the same! Don't believe me? Hmmm... let me elucidate!

Whether one is hoping for a PhD or a Purushan (husband in Tamil), one is dealing with the same thing.

• Both start with a P. (duh! I know! Let's go from the basics, people!)


• Both of them are worth it only if one gets it the way one wants. Imagine trying for Phd in Particle Physics and being forced to do it in Crystallography! Imagine trying for a Banker husband and getting a creative photographer!


• Both of them are life long commitments!


• The quality of the environment where both are based from is just as important.


• Both of them can give us the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows!
  


• One gets the additional P's from the primary P's. Purushan gives Pullai (kids) while PhD gives Postdoc! But it isn't mandatory that one leads to the other!

There you have it... Though there are differences as well, we shalln't dwell in them... for now.

There you go!

Every one is entitled to have an opinion on everything. And that doesn't mean one should try forcing the same on others. Why you ask? Read the first line!

P.S. I hope this was short enough!

Doubts... swaras... competitions... and a moral to boot!

We are really funny people... and when I mean 'we', I mean every person who's ever felt uncomfortable being themselves... even if it was for only a fleeting moment. Today, as I was cleaning my bathroom, singing away to glory, I remembered an incident that happened quite a long while ago.

I am a trained singer and though I am not exactly concert material, I can manage a little of the classical songs that one hears in my country. And this meant that my parents wanted the whole world to know what a great singer in the making their daughter was. (Mom... Dad... if you're reading this, :D)

And so, they would enroll me to every single singing competition they could find! And thus, during the rehearsal for one of these things, I was supposed to memorize a long string of swaras that formed the climax of a complex 'filmy' number from a movie that was all the rage at that time.

Well... for those who know me personally, they'll know how good I am at memorizing things! My brain's like a sieve... one moment I am listening to something important someone's telling me and the very next moment... Oh! Shiny! And I have suffered a lot as far as academics is concerned thanks to this trait of mine! And so, even after two days of practice, I still managed to bungle up most of the swaras in the song.

My mom is not someone who gives up easily (a trait I deeply admire in her!) and so, took me over to her friend's place whose distant relative had managed to memorize the entire song perfectly! This girl was just a year older than me and so, mom was under the impression that if she could do it, I could do it. Little did mommy-dearest understand that I was clearly an air head most of the time!

And soon, you can guess what happened! That child's mother went on gushing about how their daughter had managed to learn the song on her own and how she'd worn the tape recorder practicing with the singer! And as soon as my mom heard this, she involuntarily turned to give me her trademark 'see-this-is-how-you-ought-to-be!' stare. The girl sang the song a couple of times and showed me how it ought to be done.

But, fey fate! I still couldn't get some of the stuff right and was left floundering. Mom scolded me, telling me I wasn't doing it with full conviction and how I was being half-hearted. I must say, I was trying my best on that day and had been practicing for the whole day before mom had come from work and so, it hurt me a little hearing that. I guess I began to believe that I couldn't sing at all and did what I do best... retreat into my wee wittle shell and worry.

Soon, it was decided I'd sing another song. One which did not have the swaras in them. I managed to learn that song pretty fast and believe it or not, I managed to bad a prize in that competition as well! I guess they just wanted a singer who could sing properly... not someone who could recite swaras like a tape recorder!

I still feel inadequate sometimes... even now... there are times when I feel if I really can do something or if I truly deserve something. I think, we're all like that at times. I guess it takes just a small amount of self-belief from our side. Though, I guess some amount of insecurity is good... lest we get too full of ourselves!

Confusions

Am I being too naive?

Am I reading the signs all wrong?

Am I on my way to heart-break central?

I sure as hell hope not!

Wishes.

One of my best friends is going through a particularly tough time right now. Her grandmother is very sick and could use all the prayers right now. So, I'd like to request everybody who comes across this post to spend a few moments of your time in wishing her a speedy recovery! And don't worry, friend of mine, she'll be just fine!

Thanks a LOT, people!

Today, we'd gone out for dinner to McDonald. And though I hate the place, I decided I wouldn't make too much of a fuss as the rest of the family hated my choice of restaurants. And after the meal, we were still left with two spare sodas from the order and we decided to bring it back home. No sooner had I gotten out of the place, soda in hand, I was surrounded by two very scraggly looking kids who literally begged for the soda in my hand. And I must admit I dumbly handed it over to them. It didn't hit me then that this would lead to a heap of problems and hurt emotions later on.

My Mom had noticed the missing soda and asked me about it. When I told her what had happened, I expected her to be a little irritated. But instead, she became enraged to proportions hitherto unreasoned! Add to that my darling grandpa who's always under the impression that I am not smart enough for surviving alone, yelling again, telling me how I could be so stupid as to hand the soda right over! Suddenly, the tirade is diverted to how I didn't appreciate the amount of effort my mom put into making sure I was well provided. Somehow, I never thought I was that inconsiderate. And then, my grandpa went on to say how naive girls were raped by criminals in the same vein.

Seriously... handing out a glass of carbonated cat piss would mean I'd get raped in the future? Seriously?

I know I shouldn't complain much...I never do... It's just that... sometimes, I want to leave all this shit behind and go... just go away and never return. But then again, where would I go? I've been famous for driving friends away with my rants on my life and that has actually helped me keep a better watch on what I say and to whom. But I was hoping at least my family would understand. i guess I was wrong. Keh... and people wonder why I have an imaginary character for a boyfriend!

Kids...

Kids... you can't live with them... you can't live without them! I live with two girls who're put up as tenants at my house. And let me tell you, sometimes I'm torn between paddling them and cooing affectionately at what they do.

The younger one is an angel... absolutely adorably an angel. She's sweet.. a little mischevious... but you tell her properly that some of her actions are unwarranted, she understands. But the elder one... She makes sure I be canonized upon death for having put up with her!

And now, as I sit here, exhausted, I wonder. Do I need kids? Can I handle them enough? A crash from my dresser answers my question quite eloquently!

Happy Birthday, 星宿-くん!

Today's 2nd of April... Hotohori's birthday. I know it must sound really retarded to celebrate some fictional character's birthday, but Hotohori has been more than just a character to me. Heck! He kept me going when I was sure I was going to sink! :D And so, I am honouring "陛下様の誕生日" with a wallpaper that I humbly made. Sure, it isn't much... and technically, I made this one ages ago. But heck! :P

お誕生日おめでとうございます,星宿-恋!

P.S. Hotohori shares his Birthday with Hans Christian Anderson! :D And I share mine with Hideki Yukawa! *faints with joy*