Monday, July 7, 2008

Synapse - void where indifference dwells

It's very strange when you bring two people close to each other and then all of a sudden... you find that you're the one left out.

For some reason, I feel like I've heralded the death of a long lasting friendship with my own good will... wishing for them to be friends. But I guess they have no further need for me. That would be the only reason why both of them treat me like I've irked them both in unforgivable ways.

Well... Maybe I have. But I hope they understand that I've never meant them harm intentionally and neither shall I ever. But somehow... I feel they're growing so distant to me. Indifferent, they were many a times... and now, I'm the only individual who's not a part of their group's camaraderie.

Maybe I was nothing but an intial catalyst in their equation. One who would always remain aloof and one who would only be used when there is a need for it.

But the one thing I cannot stand is the fact that I have been blamed of being indifferent. In reality... who's been indifferent? Was it I? I, who'd rushed to their respective houses when they needed a shoulder to cry on? Was it I? I, who'd gladly given away priceless books when he'd come asking for them? And now, when the need for books was over and they'd found stronger shoulders to lean on, I stand apart... alone... aloof. Maybe they see me cold. But that is not because I desire to be so. It is just that since the day I could remember, I had been in essence, alone.

Now I don't say I blame anyone for that... that's just the way I am! But now I realize... I was not truly needed in the first place. And no matter how hard I try, I shall never get close to any of them.

So, I remain.... as I was before. Alone and content in knowing there is nobody around to break my heart once more.

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